i finally understand

this is the stage of life where you're not supposed to settle yet although it does sound nice.
this is when you're supposed to have fun and do stupid shit and live, just live.
but it does get lonely, indeed it does.
i'm slowwly getting used to the fact.
well now that i've realised that, i would be content if we could rewind this back two months.
oh welllll! i live on silly day dreams until they come true!

neptune festval 09!

today was the last day of the neptune festival down at the ocean front. i came with mandy for the student art exhibit (all the student artwork was form the students of salem high from both the fine arts and the academy arts)

first mandy and i went to the beach. then we walked aorund and looked at the artwork and booths with mark, justin, david, and patrick c. mandy and i got food and it started pouring, so we ate under an umbrella. it was really sad, but it cleared up and the day became beautiful! i got a sun painted on my face by mandy, justin got a lady gaga lightning bolt, and mark got a scar. mark c, mandy and i got temporary tattoos but they'll last for two weeks. mine says love, mark got his initals, and mandy got one that says death before dishonor. we went to some shops and got some souviners. justin, david and mark left so it was just me mandy and kevin. we played some pool before heading home. it was a nice day, all about art!

it's like a wave

that comes over you and you can't help it
you go under and you feel like you're sinking
eventually you'll get to the surface again

but OLA KALA: EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE OKAY

flyer, look look !

highlighters

- vanessa and i didn't follow directions during chemistry so we ended up having to repeat a step three times because we didn't follow directions. i hate bunsen burners.
- went thrifting with mark, eric, and iramae at goodwill and salvation army and got this FRESH shirt, and two patterned vests=D
- i drove in the lhs parking lot to the empty landstown elementary parking lots. before i turned to concert drive, these kids skating ran in front of the car and then ran away looking at me pointing and laughing. laame; lucky they didn't get hit
- i didn't hit anything!

secret #8

it makes me really happy to know i'm that important to you. you should already know how important you are to me; i don't have to tell you. let's not fade kay?

I GOT MY PERMIT!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I drove around the parking lot at church. i suck, but it was fun.

setting up sunday

it's rare, to find myself in a dreamy state. it's rare to feel as light as i do now, to feel as if every move i make isn't real, to feel so fluid, graceful, yet so unreal.
i often find myself longing to feel this way, i often find myself dreaming.
i can't say i'm living a dream, but i'm simply in this dreamy state, a trance.

have

you had a listen to awakening by mae? it's such a beautiful song! if you haven't then its over there --------------->
enjoy!

Don't You Ever.

Don't you EVER tell me you're a bad friend, don't you EVER tell me you're a let down when you haven't even done anything to prove it.
Don't you ever say those words to me again unless there is evidence.

Don't.
You.
Ever.

FACS 2009-2010

secret #6

all of my friends miss having you around. see, i'm not the only one.

don't fade (original) withhh

another rough video, oh well.



please don't fade away
i can't afford losing you now
where would i be without you?
i don't ever want to know

i could spend all of my time
trying to keep this alive,
trying to keep this alive

please don't fade away
cause i don't know if i could do this alone
can you believe the impact that you've made on me?

the stale taste of recycled air

today was a beautiful day.
although my eyes were tired, and they still are, i didn't want to sleep the day away, i didn't want to waste the day.

i strapped on my fanny pack, slipped my earphones on and headed to sami's.
the walk there was nice, i didn't notice how beautiful and elaborately decorated the houses were on ardmore lane.

sami and i tried writing a song but that didn't work out, so we atched 27 dresses and drank cherry dr. pepper and ate salt and vinegar chips instead!
towards the climax of the movie, sami looked out the window and yelled ICE CREAM TRUCK! i slipped on her shoes and she slipped on her flats and we CHASED after the ice cream truck two streets away. we were laughing so hard during the chase. the ice cream man said "lo siento" (im sorry in spanish) cause i guess he saw us. he only stopped when other kids started running towards the truck as well. i got a power puff girl popsicle that almost resembled bubbles and sami got sonic.

we went back to her house, out of breath and finished 27 dresses. it was such a good movie, exactly what i needed. junk food and a chick flick with a bestie. the sun was setting- it was my cue to go home. i strapped on my fanny pack and slipped my earphones on once more and i was on my way home. the first song on shuffle was "recycled air" by the postal service. it was the perfect song.
the distant salmon sky looked so pretty; i followed it home. the streetlights were already on, so i picked up my pace and breathed in the fresh air.

it was a good saturday, minus my morning

things to remember...

FIRST BATCH OF SHIRTS ON SALE NOW!

$15 each. i'll have an order form. when you order it you must hand in the money on the spot!

LIMITED SUPPLY! (IN LIGHT BLUE ONLY.)
Avalible in: S (2) M (3) L (3) XL (3)

ORDER YOURS NOW!!!!!
We will be ordering them in yellow, red, green, and grey when this first batch gets sold.








the concept behind it is you can soar to great heights, even if you are "broken." broken meaning having a disease (ie. Multiple Sclerosis)

i like b days better.

fashion marketing!
although i don't really know anyone except for jessica there are a lot of familiar faces. everyone is friendly and my teacher and student teacher are pretty cool. i'm really really looking forward to that class. PLUS my teacher can help me get a job cause she has the hook ups =D

honors english!
iramae and wesley are in my class! and others i know. my teacher is alright. while she was talking i observed the way her thin lips moved, they came forward everytime she talked and her tounge protruded from the opening between her teeth really fast- she annunciates words very clearly. i only did that because i sat the closet to her and i didnt know what else to pay attention to , hahaha. i guess i'm looking forward to that class.. not really but its aiight.

lunch!
me and sami are the only girls! like almost half of the asian circle has lunch with us. theres erwin, patrick y, patrick g, richard, mark s, cameron, patrick c, kevin r, josh q, uhhh. well not really half, but yeah.

ap psychology!
i was thinking about dropping out of it because i want to take sociology but i changed my mind because mr. van oekel is too cool. i have that class with mandy and iramae, which makes it all the better. i already feel very comfortable with my class. i'm looking forward to this class the most!



afterschool we went to veronica's and tried to do stuff for the video. we ended up chillin on the roof then jamming in her room and we made this song for facs that we recorded. it's puhreeeetttyyy swwweeet.
today was good, i'm really looking forward to b days!

first day of school

was lame.

ooh, i wore a grizzly eaton original.



va & us history
my teacher is new, from kellam. i only know ceejay and kristen in my class. we did introductions and stuff, i guess that class is okay. the class is small so i hope we all become a family, hahah.

chemistry
i only know paola, but i guess that class is pretty okay. we did this rainbow lab. after paola drops out i'm not going to know anyone but this dude who was in my geometry class last year but oh well, time to make new friends! first quiz on thursday =[

lunch/study block
COOKIE IS IN MY LUNCH BLOCK. nghia told me to help him out and find a girlfriend and introduce him to people or whatever hahaha. i sat with sami and the gay gaiz and the ghetto girls! adriel and this other stupid sophomore like took my purse and put it under my chair and i didn't notice till after i ate lunch. i'm already know i might not like lunch because of them.
i was dozing off in study block but whatevsss.

algebra II
so brandon is in my class and he sits behind me. this dude who was in my geometry class last year sat next to me and he kept falling asleep, so i kept poking him to wake him up. maaaan i have lots of homework for that class.



i just awoke from my nap. i wrote/recorded my first original song today. and it is in the post below!

i hope (original song)

REALLY REALLY ROUGH VIDEO




i hope youre doing well
with whoever
or whatever makes you happy so

I hope you know
that i wont ever leave the place that you called home

i hope that you wont change
for the worst
i hope that you see the things you have
i would kill to be like you
i would kill to have the things that you do

I hope you know
that i wont ever leave the place that you called home

Goodbye, Summer 2009 :[

This summer has really been the best, despite the doodoo and sad parts of it. I got to go out a lot, hang out more, live more.
Hmm highlights of this summer..
- beach hopping
- mandy sleeping over like every week
- being involved with YFC
- August 19
- sneaking out and going to elbow road at 3am then the top of dicks sporting goods garage, hide and seek tag at walmart at 5 am
- "sugar booger" lololol
- oh yeah, i did manage to complete the things on my first "things to do during summer" list (clean out closet, rearrange room, do shredded shirt, etc.)
- water country!
- sleeping all day staying up all niiiiight
- bonfayaaa
- webcamming awwl day
- really really late night conversations

hmm theres probably moar but oh well

Seriously Queenie, Darryl, and Theresa, you guys have made the biggest impact on me this summer. Thank you.

I didn't get to complete my "things to do before summer ends" list and i just plan on turning that into my "things to do before 2009 ends" list. But ALL IN ALL IT WAS THE BEST SUMMER I'VE EVER HAD, thanks you gaaaiz.

this has got to be,

the worst feeling(s) in the world. feeling like you can't change, no matter what anyone says to make you feel better. feeling like you are nothing, and at the same time bitter. feeling so angry, so jealous, it messes you up. i am fucking up too.

secret #4

it hurts so much, YOU don't even know. you've got it so easy. FCKYOU.

300th post

i spent my morning yard sale shopping around my neighborhood with mandy!
i scored:
vintage shoulder bag, two unicorn figurines, a brightly multicolored fanny pack, and a mug for my mommy!
the last yard sale i went to i got a FILA track jacket, this really nice but big windbreaker, 3 vintage bags, a prada bag, a gold scarf, stud earrings, hmm.. i think that's it.
but maaaan take me to a yard sale and i go crazyy.

secret #3

out of all drivers, i'd say you're the funnest!

RAWR

LETS SEE HOW THIS GOOOOES!

edit:
it wasn't that bad! at least we were not strangers! it was actually pretty noiiice! smores, hot dogs, jumping on the trampoline, singing in the bathroom, petting kevin like a dog, kevin driving on the scary road by the cemetery, things that rhyme with orange, i'd say it was a good night.

secret #2

I get gas everytime I think about you, HAHAHA.

ambitions.

my original ambitions were:
- go on tour with a band for a year
- teach kindergarten
- work for a fashion magazine
- open a clothing store

scratch that shit!

i can't accomplish all of that, i mean i could if i try hard enough but that's too idealistic.
well i mean i'd still like to go on tour with a band that would be pretty sweet cause i've always wanted to be in a band but..

my new goal:
- open a clothing store which sells clothing (i.e. shirts designed by independent artists and designers) so that people's art could get showcased and people can buy what no one else has.

that idea was sparked by Grizzly Eaton, a t-shirt line coming soon!

2 Corinthians 12:10

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

we are like strangers.

hopefully that will change soon.
the sky was really pretty today.

secret #1

i just recently started doing this, but i watch your covers when i'm sad, to listen to your voice and it always calms me down. i know you may not like your voice, but i really do think it's soothing and beautiful, ever since the first time i dozed off while listening to you, haha.
--
edit: september 3, 2009 3:10 am
your voice is stuck in my head but thats a good thing.

why i'm drawn to your group of friends:

you guys live your life. you guys aren't afraid. you guys DO IT, you don't think, you just do.

the first

i awoke from a phone call from tonetti around 2:15, and he said "are you badass? come with me and ronnie and we're gonna drive on elbow road" i quickly got ready and it took me forever to find a way out but i just ended up going out my window and jumping the fence. it's a good thing i wore my boots, cause the yard was muddy as fuhhh. we picked up queenie and we were off to elbow road. i looked at the clock and it was about 3am. i sat in the back with tonetti and queenie had shotgun. they kept on talking about scary situations we could be in, and they mostly talked about seeing sasquatch in the woods. we reached one of the dark parts of elbow road and ronnie turned his lights off and him and tonetti and queenie just started screaming. okay, i screamed too and it was pretty scary but nothing happened. it was just scary because it was dark, and everyoe was screaming so loud and tonetti was holding my hand because he was scared HAHAHA. we didn't go as far as we wanted to but it was far enough, and scary enough so ronnie made a u-turn and we drove passed stumpy lake. it was eerie, but i thought it was kinda cool seeing it in the middle of the night. we went to lyanne's, thinking she would meet us up, but turns out she fell asleep. on the way there we saw a white guy on the side of south rosemont, in a white shirt, it was just really really really CREEPY because he made eye contact with ronnie and kevin said he was the ugliest guy he's ever seen. queenie said he had a cast on, but i never got to see anythig but his shirt, and the side of his head as he was turning to look n our direction.
it was 4am we were in town center, about to turn to go into the parking lot of dick's so we could go to the roof, but as he was about to turn, an SUV pulled up beside us with the windows down ... with no driver,which scared the SHIT out of us. as we ronnie was driving up the levels, we kept thinking someone was following us, and we were talking about how people get murdered in parking garages. we made it to the top and it was a really nice view. it was really cold though, but its kay i had a hoodie. we witnessed a guy trying to break into other cars in the parking garage right across from us. kevin and ronnie went on the other side of the parking lot and marked their territory, if you know what i mean hahahaha. in the car we all took turns screaming and realized my screams were like shrieks, kevin's was just really high, ronnie's was just funny and queenie's was cooler than mine.
we went to walmart at 5am, and it was really really busy in there with all the workers. me and queenie went to the bathroom then after that we played hide and seek tag! queenie and ronnie were a team and i was with kevin. me and kevin had to count to a hundred and while doing so, we were looking at shoes. when it was time to look for queenie and ronnie, kevin and i were just walking fast, by the aisles and when we came to the clothing section we just asked each other if we would wear these different things, like the miley cyrus clothes hahaha. we found queenie and ronnie looking at womean's cardigans. kevin chased queenie because she ran, but i heard him get yelled at by one of the employees HAHA. i was on ronnie's tail. i lost him though at the shoes so i gave up and found tonetti and queenie hahaha. ronnie was trying on cardigans and kevin tried on a sweater; queenie ended up buying the cardigan for ronnie though, hahaha. and thenn it was time to go home =[ i had so much trouble getting over the fence, kevin couldn't do it alone. my foot kept getting stuck in the mud, but ronnie helped me over. i made it in time, but i lost my phone in the process of getting back. a few minutes ago my mom came in and asked me why i was up haha.
but alll in allll.
tonight was really really really fun, thanks queenie, ronnie and kevin.
i really wonder what it would have been like if queenie hadn't gone, and if i was with completely different people. it definately wouldn't have been as fun. i felt like we all bonded in the three hours we were together.

i would definately re-live this night if given the chance.
it's 6:16 am, i am wide awake, and i have to be up in 2-3 hours!
=D