I know I'll meet you some day, Kuya James. Rest in peace, you'll always be in my heart.
(James is on the right)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Rest In Peace, James "Jim" Tabor Fox
My cousin James from my mom's side of the family passed away yesterday from a tumor in his leg. He used to be the only other cousin I'd talk to besides my cousin Kristina in California. James lived in England, was in his mid twenties. He was probably the fourth youngest out of all of the cousins from my mom's side, which are the only cousins i have. I used to see him as anolder brother figure even though I never met him in person before. We would always talk about visiting each other, I wanted to go to England especially because of well, you know. It's not fair- we never met. We never had the family reunion we dreamed of. At least he lived his life to the fullest, at least he did all he can. I've never lost anyone in my family before. I used to be really close to him until I lost contact with him a few years ago. I regret not putting effort into keeping touch with him. It isn't fair, how life can be taken away from you at a young age. At least he isn't sick anymore, at least he isn't suffering. At least he is watching over us, my family.
I know I'll meet you some day, Kuya James. Rest in peace, you'll always be in my heart.
(James is on the right)
I know I'll meet you some day, Kuya James. Rest in peace, you'll always be in my heart.
(James is on the right)
i love my best friend
ericaaano: when does the world of harry potter open
ericaaano: I WANNA GO
h0y gots milk: haha idk
ericaaano: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ericaaano: YESSSSS
ericaaano: OPENS IN EARLY 2010 WHICH IS THIS UPCOMING YEAr oMgomgomgOMGOMG YAYYY
ericaaano: WOOOO
ericaaano: YEAHHHH
ericaaano: OMGGAWWW
h0y gots milk: FLSDKJGSDFGJDFOJGLDF
h0y gots milk: AGSDFJGLKDFJGLK
h0y gots milk: YAY
h0y gots milk: OMG
h0y gots milk: YAY
ericaaano: I WANNA GO
h0y gots milk: haha idk
ericaaano: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ericaaano: YESSSSS
ericaaano: OPENS IN EARLY 2010 WHICH IS THIS UPCOMING YEAr oMgomgomgOMGOMG YAYYY
ericaaano: WOOOO
ericaaano: YEAHHHH
ericaaano: OMGGAWWW
h0y gots milk: FLSDKJGSDFGJDFOJGLDF
h0y gots milk: AGSDFJGLKDFJGLK
h0y gots milk: YAY
h0y gots milk: OMG
h0y gots milk: YAY
Sunday, August 30, 2009
missing chunk.
it's cause you were a pretty big chunk of my life. to have a big chunk choppped off from your life is pretty big, hard. it's been two months, still struggling but things like this take time. with everything that's been going on, i thought that the time was over, that i actually was begining to see the light at the end of the tunnel. but it seems like the tunnel just keeps getting longer. how do you do it? i don't understand. i wish i had the things you have; you're able to escape, you're able to hide and put on a smile, you're able to just move. although i am tired of getting my hopes up so high, i'm still not leaving. no matter what happens, something good is going to come out of this. at the end, it'll be worth it all. we'll all be stronger, and that's what i'm mostly looking forward to. the only thing i'm really afraid of is getting completely cut off from you. i'm not afraid of you not coming back, i'm not afraid of you choosing someone else, i'm not afraid of not getting what i want anymore. some day this emptiness will be filled, one way or another.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
just what i needed.
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a csmall moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.
it
was not fucking worth it.
it wasn't worth getting in trouble for.
it wasn't worth getting those blisters.
it wasn't worth the one second glance.
it was too soon.
it wasn't worth getting in trouble for.
it wasn't worth getting those blisters.
it wasn't worth the one second glance.
it was too soon.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
passenger seat
I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
"Do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.
When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.
--
april 5th.
it was your family barbeque. most of the time you were yelling because there were huge bees flying around you. i recall hearing "if i was a boy" by beyonce through the window of your aunt's house, and telling you that song used to make me so sad. but at that moment i wasn't. you said you felt like driving, you wanted to ditch the barbeque so we did. we were driving around big neighborhoods, looking for our future house. we took a different route and ended up at brigands quay. then we found that house in the corner. it was so different, so beautiful. "That will be our house someday." "It will," and you squeezed my hand very tightly as your attention focused from that house, to me, to the road. We went thrifting and you bought me that skirt. I remember the cashier complimented you about your hair when she was checking your ID. we went to a few more stores, with nothing in hand and we went to Mount Trashmore to see the sunset. We laid on the grass, with other couples surrounding us as we laughed and laughed. I tried to bite your extra skin on your chin, you were so scared cause i was actually going to do it, and i was sucessful. And then we saw the sun set over the city. We went back to your house, tired and sleepy. We left your house earlier than expected and went to "house." I remember Death Cab For Cutie playing. We were panicking, scared, and i was shaking. Through out the car ride you never let go of my hand. You walked me to my door and you held me close. "I will never leave you, I promise," you said, so assuringly. I knew i was in good hands. That night you drove, like you said you wanted to. You weren't alone and thank goodness for that. Two hours later you appeared in front of my window, i opened it and we kissed. You took my hands again and said, "I will never leave you, I promise." You jumped the fence once more, leaving with a scratch, leaving relieved. I knew i was in good hands, you took care of me.
When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
"Do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.
When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.
--
april 5th.
it was your family barbeque. most of the time you were yelling because there were huge bees flying around you. i recall hearing "if i was a boy" by beyonce through the window of your aunt's house, and telling you that song used to make me so sad. but at that moment i wasn't. you said you felt like driving, you wanted to ditch the barbeque so we did. we were driving around big neighborhoods, looking for our future house. we took a different route and ended up at brigands quay. then we found that house in the corner. it was so different, so beautiful. "That will be our house someday." "It will," and you squeezed my hand very tightly as your attention focused from that house, to me, to the road. We went thrifting and you bought me that skirt. I remember the cashier complimented you about your hair when she was checking your ID. we went to a few more stores, with nothing in hand and we went to Mount Trashmore to see the sunset. We laid on the grass, with other couples surrounding us as we laughed and laughed. I tried to bite your extra skin on your chin, you were so scared cause i was actually going to do it, and i was sucessful. And then we saw the sun set over the city. We went back to your house, tired and sleepy. We left your house earlier than expected and went to "house." I remember Death Cab For Cutie playing. We were panicking, scared, and i was shaking. Through out the car ride you never let go of my hand. You walked me to my door and you held me close. "I will never leave you, I promise," you said, so assuringly. I knew i was in good hands. That night you drove, like you said you wanted to. You weren't alone and thank goodness for that. Two hours later you appeared in front of my window, i opened it and we kissed. You took my hands again and said, "I will never leave you, I promise." You jumped the fence once more, leaving with a scratch, leaving relieved. I knew i was in good hands, you took care of me.
When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
MAN WTF.
this day went from bad, to good, to bad and WORSE.
WHAT THE FUCK.
oh well what can i doooo it was inevitable.
WHAT THE FUCK.
oh well what can i doooo it was inevitable.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
schedule
a days
A1- Japanese I -benedict (subject to change)
A2- Chemistry -harwood
A3- VA&US History -tucker
A4- ALG II - Byzewski
b days
B1- Fashion marketing - constanza
B2- Honors Eng 11 - stellmach
B3- S1: lunch/study-webb
S2: SATPREP - byzewski
B4- AP Psychology -vanoekel
shoooooot, i defnately need to change my schedule, i'm gnna drop japanese cause whats the point of taking another language when i alrady took three years of spanish. and i neeeeeeed lunch! everything else sounds good though, i hope they'll be able to change it.
i am not looking forward to junior year at alllllllllll, except for being a FACS officer. FACS will be greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. everyhing else seems to be like poop but OHH WELLL better make the best of it right?
A1- Japanese I -benedict (subject to change)
A2- Chemistry -harwood
A3- VA&US History -tucker
A4- ALG II - Byzewski
b days
B1- Fashion marketing - constanza
B2- Honors Eng 11 - stellmach
B3- S1: lunch/study-webb
S2: SATPREP - byzewski
B4- AP Psychology -vanoekel
shoooooot, i defnately need to change my schedule, i'm gnna drop japanese cause whats the point of taking another language when i alrady took three years of spanish. and i neeeeeeed lunch! everything else sounds good though, i hope they'll be able to change it.
i am not looking forward to junior year at alllllllllll, except for being a FACS officer. FACS will be greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. everyhing else seems to be like poop but OHH WELLL better make the best of it right?
HAHA WTF
my dreamsare so weird.
i had a dream i controlled the sea, with my emotions.
there was this hotel (and prom was taking place) and you had to cross a small bridge to get to this chill lounge thing. i was pretty much pissed/ sad so the waves were big, preventng some people to cross the bridge to get to the chill lounge. and when i was calm, there was barey any waves or water for that matter so people would cross the bridge!
and then i had a dream about r....HAHAHA QUEENIE WTF WHYYY. k anyway.
i had this other dream where evan and i visited the botique that was gonna be selling our shirts. we were expecting this big crowd to be inside and congratulating us so we walked in dancing and it turned out not many people were there and the place was pretty much empty except for the few merchandise and boxes.
maybe that was a foreshadowing of what's to come.
i kind of like having wierd dreams, its something to talk about.
i had a dream i controlled the sea, with my emotions.
there was this hotel (and prom was taking place) and you had to cross a small bridge to get to this chill lounge thing. i was pretty much pissed/ sad so the waves were big, preventng some people to cross the bridge to get to the chill lounge. and when i was calm, there was barey any waves or water for that matter so people would cross the bridge!
and then i had a dream about r....HAHAHA QUEENIE WTF WHYYY. k anyway.
i had this other dream where evan and i visited the botique that was gonna be selling our shirts. we were expecting this big crowd to be inside and congratulating us so we walked in dancing and it turned out not many people were there and the place was pretty much empty except for the few merchandise and boxes.
maybe that was a foreshadowing of what's to come.
i kind of like having wierd dreams, its something to talk about.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
HELLO, ERROR OCCUR'S FUTURE.
my good golly goshnips.
For those of you who do not know, Error Occurs is a clothing line by Evan Hannah and I.
Today we established which three designs we'd like to debut in our MS (Multiple Sclerosis) Charity Collection. Next week we'll be taking our designs to the printer and our first box(es) will come in by the time school starts!!!
We're also working on some special edition accessories.. We've also got some ideas on the ad campaign as well!
I can't believe this is actually happening! It took us almost two years to accomplish, haha.
SNEEEKPEEEEK
For those of you who do not know, Error Occurs is a clothing line by Evan Hannah and I.
Today we established which three designs we'd like to debut in our MS (Multiple Sclerosis) Charity Collection. Next week we'll be taking our designs to the printer and our first box(es) will come in by the time school starts!!!
We're also working on some special edition accessories.. We've also got some ideas on the ad campaign as well!
I can't believe this is actually happening! It took us almost two years to accomplish, haha.
SNEEEKPEEEEK
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
not a waste of time
i know that something has changed, i can feel it but i don't know what it is.
perhaps you started something, but i don't quite know what that is either.
something to find out on my own.
i continue to stand by those words: i am not going anywhere.
i always stay up so late, hoping that something would change, hoping that we would be getting somewhere. and it is true, every time we talk something does change and we do get somewhere and that is why you are never a waste of time.
please, keep that in mind.
perhaps you started something, but i don't quite know what that is either.
something to find out on my own.
i continue to stand by those words: i am not going anywhere.
i always stay up so late, hoping that something would change, hoping that we would be getting somewhere. and it is true, every time we talk something does change and we do get somewhere and that is why you are never a waste of time.
please, keep that in mind.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
new jersey
i came home about 30 minutes ago maybe? wellll timee to recap!
--
friday
we left around 8ish and went to fresh world, then the drive thru at mickey d's and just ate on the road. we crossed the chesapeake bay and at the eastern shore i saw this sign for the first time, railroad parallel to interesction or whatever. we got to the catugas household (in Mullica Hills, NJ) around 2:13 am, i looked at my phone at the time i arrived at the door. i slept in isa's room with my sister and she has one of the comfiest beds everr. we haven't been to their house since christmas two years ago. their house is really big and open, but i don't like how the upstairs is pretty much just a bridge and the conversations from downstairs echo throughout the whole house.
saturday
my mom woke me up around 8 or 9ish and we ate breakfast. thenn we showered, thinking that we would go somewhere soon but we didn't go anywhere until later that day. i playd hide and seek with isa and mark (the family friends kids) and kevin and josh (their cousins) and i won 3/4 games and i was in the same hiding spot for the last two games. then i taught them all the ice breakers i knew. i played with isa's hamster, hammy, i took a picture with him on daily booth ---->
after kevin and josh left we went to King of Prussia, Pennsylvania which was about 30-45 minutes away. We went to the King of Prussia mall and first stopped at Urban Outfitters. I was astounded when I saw it because I've never been to one before and everything was just really.. nice.
I bought:
my mom bought these sandals and when we went through the door the sensors went off so the floor lady took forever to find out why the sensors went off, and she wasn't the nicest one there but it was okay. then i went to h&m to find a bathing suit because we were supposed to go to the six flags water park the next day. the bikini top i bought was reversible! yellow & pink. and the bottoms were white and yellow striped.
afterwards we went to the movie theatres and watch PONYO, which is the CUTEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND YOU SHOULD REALLY GO WATCH IT.
after the movie my mom, erin, and isa and i had to wait for her parents and brother and my dad because they were watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in IMAX. whle we were waiting, we wasted a lot of quarters at the crane machines. i went to this one crane machine and got a dinosaur, but when it went to drop it, IT GOT STUCK.
then i played this one racing game, and sucked at it.
the drive back to the house took 45 minutes and it seemed like forever but we were pooped and i slept in the fort (which was composed of two bunk beds, chairs, many bags and sleeping bags) in the basement with mark, isa, and erin. it was very uncomfortable.
sunday
my mom woke up up around 10 30 and i thought we were going to Six Flags so i was quick to get up. we ended up not going and we all just took a nap after brunch. we showered, and just waited for my dad and we left around 4! i got to bond with my family again during the car ride. my sister tried teaching me "Onna no Ko Otoko no Ko" Fail. We stopped by Stuckey's restuarant/souviner shop and got a shirt and mexican poncho thing. it's so warm, it's like wearing a blanket! on the chespeake bay bridge we saw fire works and my sister and i discovered how to take really cool light pictures which i will post tomorrow.
kay yeah theee end!
--
friday
we left around 8ish and went to fresh world, then the drive thru at mickey d's and just ate on the road. we crossed the chesapeake bay and at the eastern shore i saw this sign for the first time, railroad parallel to interesction or whatever. we got to the catugas household (in Mullica Hills, NJ) around 2:13 am, i looked at my phone at the time i arrived at the door. i slept in isa's room with my sister and she has one of the comfiest beds everr. we haven't been to their house since christmas two years ago. their house is really big and open, but i don't like how the upstairs is pretty much just a bridge and the conversations from downstairs echo throughout the whole house.
saturday
my mom woke me up around 8 or 9ish and we ate breakfast. thenn we showered, thinking that we would go somewhere soon but we didn't go anywhere until later that day. i playd hide and seek with isa and mark (the family friends kids) and kevin and josh (their cousins) and i won 3/4 games and i was in the same hiding spot for the last two games. then i taught them all the ice breakers i knew. i played with isa's hamster, hammy, i took a picture with him on daily booth ---->
after kevin and josh left we went to King of Prussia, Pennsylvania which was about 30-45 minutes away. We went to the King of Prussia mall and first stopped at Urban Outfitters. I was astounded when I saw it because I've never been to one before and everything was just really.. nice.
I bought:
my mom bought these sandals and when we went through the door the sensors went off so the floor lady took forever to find out why the sensors went off, and she wasn't the nicest one there but it was okay. then i went to h&m to find a bathing suit because we were supposed to go to the six flags water park the next day. the bikini top i bought was reversible! yellow & pink. and the bottoms were white and yellow striped.
afterwards we went to the movie theatres and watch PONYO, which is the CUTEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND YOU SHOULD REALLY GO WATCH IT.
after the movie my mom, erin, and isa and i had to wait for her parents and brother and my dad because they were watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in IMAX. whle we were waiting, we wasted a lot of quarters at the crane machines. i went to this one crane machine and got a dinosaur, but when it went to drop it, IT GOT STUCK.
then i played this one racing game, and sucked at it.
the drive back to the house took 45 minutes and it seemed like forever but we were pooped and i slept in the fort (which was composed of two bunk beds, chairs, many bags and sleeping bags) in the basement with mark, isa, and erin. it was very uncomfortable.
sunday
my mom woke up up around 10 30 and i thought we were going to Six Flags so i was quick to get up. we ended up not going and we all just took a nap after brunch. we showered, and just waited for my dad and we left around 4! i got to bond with my family again during the car ride. my sister tried teaching me "Onna no Ko Otoko no Ko" Fail. We stopped by Stuckey's restuarant/souviner shop and got a shirt and mexican poncho thing. it's so warm, it's like wearing a blanket! on the chespeake bay bridge we saw fire works and my sister and i discovered how to take really cool light pictures which i will post tomorrow.
kay yeah theee end!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
i too, would like apathy
how come for at least a week i was able to feel nothing. i was calm, i was just, flowing.
and today all of these emotions hit me like an oncoming train, or a bulldozer, or a strike of lightning.
i'm becoming paranoid, i feel jealousy, and i am scared.
but there's nothing i can do.
and today all of these emotions hit me like an oncoming train, or a bulldozer, or a strike of lightning.
i'm becoming paranoid, i feel jealousy, and i am scared.
but there's nothing i can do.
Friday, August 14, 2009
what i learned today:
fool: saliva contains an aesthetic
fool: so kissing boo boos does relieve pain
fool: not only on the physical level
fool: but it also heals it too
fool: saliva also contains antibiotics
fool: which helps whatever heal faster
fool: and kissing it lowers the receiver's heart rate
fool: which helps stop the bleeding
fool: it's a trifecta
fool: no a trifecta
fool: a triple threat
fool: so kissing boo boos does relieve pain
fool: not only on the physical level
fool: but it also heals it too
fool: saliva also contains antibiotics
fool: which helps whatever heal faster
fool: and kissing it lowers the receiver's heart rate
fool: which helps stop the bleeding
fool: it's a trifecta
fool: no a trifecta
fool: a triple threat
secrets
j: and the whole time i was watching
j: i was admiring zac efrons hair
--
l: i am afraid
--
and you know everything, everything.
j: i was admiring zac efrons hair
--
l: i am afraid
--
and you know everything, everything.
two
i accomplished two things from list of "things to do before summer ends" which were:
- having ppt reunite
- having a picnic somewhere other than the beach. it wasn't a legit picnic, but all a picnic is , is just eating food outside, not on a table, right?
all i have left to accomplish is:
- listen do the Destination: Beautiful album while driving in the sunset
- thriftstore hopping with Queenie
- {finish my shredded tee, alter the skirt into a dress, get the damn MS collection done}
- have a pinic on the beach, while the sun sets
- watch all the harry potter movies in one day with Theresa+ her family
- have the "Fantastic Four", or maybe just us "Fantastic Three" (me, theresa, brooke) reunite
- try skim boarding at least once
- shower with the hose in mah bathing suit
- buy ice cream from the ice cream truck
- movies/photobooth with Johnny
- make EPISODE TWO of "The adventures of THERICA"
- tye dye shirts with ellorins+ tyler
- become cops with tyler
- make up a handshake with bomban
- HAVE A GIRLS NIGHT with veronica, mandy, sami, ashley b, arlene
akegfkajswfaeklhgl haaaaaaaaaaaaaalp meee.
- having ppt reunite
- having a picnic somewhere other than the beach. it wasn't a legit picnic, but all a picnic is , is just eating food outside, not on a table, right?
all i have left to accomplish is:
- listen do the Destination: Beautiful album while driving in the sunset
- thriftstore hopping with Queenie
- {finish my shredded tee, alter the skirt into a dress, get the damn MS collection done}
- have a pinic on the beach, while the sun sets
- watch all the harry potter movies in one day with Theresa+ her family
- have the "Fantastic Four", or maybe just us "Fantastic Three" (me, theresa, brooke) reunite
- try skim boarding at least once
- shower with the hose in mah bathing suit
- buy ice cream from the ice cream truck
- movies/photobooth with Johnny
- make EPISODE TWO of "The adventures of THERICA"
- tye dye shirts with ellorins+ tyler
- become cops with tyler
- make up a handshake with bomban
- HAVE A GIRLS NIGHT with veronica, mandy, sami, ashley b, arlene
akegfkajswfaeklhgl haaaaaaaaaaaaaalp meee.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
why am i so gay
the only lines running through my head are from the first Harry Potter movie, you know when Harry gets accepted onto the quidditch team
Harry: But what if i make a fool out of myself?
Hermione: You won't make a fool of yourself, it's in your blood.
Harry: But what if i make a fool out of myself?
Hermione: You won't make a fool of yourself, it's in your blood.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
IM NOT GOING TO JERSEY THIS WEEKEND.
yay. the people were supposed to sit are going somewhur. so i wont get to miss brandon's party after all!
todaaay i biked to school with rochelle's bike and got queenie and we walked to mah house. we just chilled and whatnot, it was really nice listening to her.
then isiah came and he took us to PCC and we were really really late. i just watched lee, dj, mark, jon, victor, and eric do their skit. afterwards isiah, queenie and i met up with maryanne and her two friends at chik fil a. theeen we wnto the inspiration dance studio and i participated in the walk a little, the i mostly walked for the rest of the time. the two same songs for twooo hours. dreaaaam oooon and that one french song about sex. well right now vince and isiah are at my house playing brawl.
edit: i watched the first 42 minutes of UP with vince and isiah and made banana nut muffins. what a good 42 minutes of my life that was.
todaaay i biked to school with rochelle's bike and got queenie and we walked to mah house. we just chilled and whatnot, it was really nice listening to her.
then isiah came and he took us to PCC and we were really really late. i just watched lee, dj, mark, jon, victor, and eric do their skit. afterwards isiah, queenie and i met up with maryanne and her two friends at chik fil a. theeen we wnto the inspiration dance studio and i participated in the walk a little, the i mostly walked for the rest of the time. the two same songs for twooo hours. dreaaaam oooon and that one french song about sex. well right now vince and isiah are at my house playing brawl.
edit: i watched the first 42 minutes of UP with vince and isiah and made banana nut muffins. what a good 42 minutes of my life that was.
dreams seem real, again
you were in the car with your parents and you guys picked me up from somewhere. i hugged you and asked how you were doing. you looked me in the eye and said, "this morning was the first time in a long time that i wanted to hear your voice in the morning." and started crying and we hugged each other for a long time. and then you said, "i want you back, all of you." and we were about to kiss.. BUT THEN I WOKE UP. how anti-climatic, thanks a lot queenie haha.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
EVERYTIME
my family decides to go out of town, there's always fun stuff i'm gonna miss D:
from friday-sunday i'm going to new jersey to visit family frandz.
on friday i was invited to busch gardens D:
saturday i'm going to miss brandon day's birthday party and chelsea elmore's.
last time i went outof town i missed the strawberry festival, which i was really looking forward to cause i haven't been there before.
ugh, i still smell like chlorine.
okay, no more complaining for today =D
from friday-sunday i'm going to new jersey to visit family frandz.
on friday i was invited to busch gardens D:
saturday i'm going to miss brandon day's birthday party and chelsea elmore's.
last time i went outof town i missed the strawberry festival, which i was really looking forward to cause i haven't been there before.
ugh, i still smell like chlorine.
okay, no more complaining for today =D
Monday, August 10, 2009
achugablugen
water country was aiiiight. even though i didn't get to ride anything because of someone in our group.. it was still gooood. i spent most of my time floating along the "lazy river" sleeping, or trying to sleep. andd hubba hubba highway aaand the wave pool. i like the life vests.
they're really squishy. well, i want to go again, before summer ends and actually ride stuff!
they're really squishy. well, i want to go again, before summer ends and actually ride stuff!
6:37 am
I haven't been awake at this time in a very very long time. I really want to go back to sleep, but Theresa is picking me up in about two hours or less along with Jessa and Helena and we're going to Water Country USA with the church.
I keep having weird dreams. Last night I dreamt that Ashley B. lived in an apartment in Forever21 and there was a sleepover with Arlene and Kyle F. was visiting and he was wearing Sex and the City pajamas. I was walking throughout F21, finally wearing my cowboy boots I bought on Friday. In order to get to the apartment I had to open this gate to the stairs. Kyle was right behind me so insisted me to go first. I opened it wrong and he laughed at me and I was like, thanks a lot.
Well the apartment turned out to be Erwin's apartment and the sleepover was already over, so I wasn't there long. And Marc Ventura and Bryan sunga lived next door.
I keep having weird dreams. Last night I dreamt that Ashley B. lived in an apartment in Forever21 and there was a sleepover with Arlene and Kyle F. was visiting and he was wearing Sex and the City pajamas. I was walking throughout F21, finally wearing my cowboy boots I bought on Friday. In order to get to the apartment I had to open this gate to the stairs. Kyle was right behind me so insisted me to go first. I opened it wrong and he laughed at me and I was like, thanks a lot.
Well the apartment turned out to be Erwin's apartment and the sleepover was already over, so I wasn't there long. And Marc Ventura and Bryan sunga lived next door.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
before i continue,
i must record my dream.
i remember taking a shower somewhere,it was in theis bathroom i have never seen before but when i got out of it, i was in my house. then i remember kirby calling me asking if we wanted to hang out but i was cleaning at the time. then him and nghia came over. jc asked me to go to his house because him and vince were knitting together while watching tv. although they were at jc's house, i looked over to my left or right side and there they were, on the couch watching a TV and knitting. on my other side was my house, so it looked like it was connected, like those sets they use for TV shows.
and then i went to washington d.c. or new york and we met up with my dad's european friends. the guy made his kids stay with us and there was a guy and his little sister. they had to squish into the Prius with us and i sat next to the european guy and i thought he was cute. i asked how old he was because he looked my age and he said, "I'm 18! You look 18 too." And then i laughed and said no. there was a party in the parking lot too, and all the blonde chicks looked the same and kept looking at me. well in the car i saw smoke coming out from the guy's hand and i was like OMGWTF and it turned out he had weed. and i told him to throw it away because everyone was in the car and no one noticed he had it but me. he looked at me apoligetically. i thought he was cute too so then i was like eww no he's not cute no more. we got out of the car and he threw it away thank goodness
then we went shopping at walmart, and this one store and i dressed up as bubbles from the powerpuff girls. well actually i was wearing the light blue striped dress but everyone at the store was like BUBBLES? and another lady looked like blossom. there was no buttercup.
i woke up with my sister telling me to wash the dishes. by then i was half asleep, i was still partly in my dream mode and it took me a while to get up. i wanna go back to sleep, no one is on aim anyway haha.
i remember taking a shower somewhere,it was in theis bathroom i have never seen before but when i got out of it, i was in my house. then i remember kirby calling me asking if we wanted to hang out but i was cleaning at the time. then him and nghia came over. jc asked me to go to his house because him and vince were knitting together while watching tv. although they were at jc's house, i looked over to my left or right side and there they were, on the couch watching a TV and knitting. on my other side was my house, so it looked like it was connected, like those sets they use for TV shows.
and then i went to washington d.c. or new york and we met up with my dad's european friends. the guy made his kids stay with us and there was a guy and his little sister. they had to squish into the Prius with us and i sat next to the european guy and i thought he was cute. i asked how old he was because he looked my age and he said, "I'm 18! You look 18 too." And then i laughed and said no. there was a party in the parking lot too, and all the blonde chicks looked the same and kept looking at me. well in the car i saw smoke coming out from the guy's hand and i was like OMGWTF and it turned out he had weed. and i told him to throw it away because everyone was in the car and no one noticed he had it but me. he looked at me apoligetically. i thought he was cute too so then i was like eww no he's not cute no more. we got out of the car and he threw it away thank goodness
then we went shopping at walmart, and this one store and i dressed up as bubbles from the powerpuff girls. well actually i was wearing the light blue striped dress but everyone at the store was like BUBBLES? and another lady looked like blossom. there was no buttercup.
i woke up with my sister telling me to wash the dishes. by then i was half asleep, i was still partly in my dream mode and it took me a while to get up. i wanna go back to sleep, no one is on aim anyway haha.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
what i learned today:
The past is exactly what it is - the past.
I can't push things in the direction where I want them to go. I have to let things flow, God won't let anything happen to us that isn't a part of His plan.
I can't push things in the direction where I want them to go. I have to let things flow, God won't let anything happen to us that isn't a part of His plan.
general assmembly
today i went to the CFC (Couples for Christ) General Assembly at Fort Story with Theresa, Harry, Helena, and Jessa. And Katrina and Lil' Fran and Tushka from NoVa came!
We started off by Worshipping, singing new songs and praising the Lord. It was the first time we had the "Worship Fest" and in between every song, everyone prays aloud and it's just so powerful. The singers, participants and mini choir and were so focused on God. After Worship the first time, there were "sharers." The only one i listened to was the one about the three bullets, maybe I'll write about it later. I started falling asleep so all the youth just chilled in the lobby and outside. Then we walked to the beach which was just across the street.
The beach was nice, it wasn't so nice though because the water had so much debree in it. There were so many dead crabs and scallops, it was very depressing. The sand wasn't soft either, it was grainy. It wasn't a swimming friendly beach, maybe that's why swimming was prohibited. But I collected shells while everyone was doing their thaang. The weather was alright, it was actually a little chilly.
We went back and then had the second "Worship Fest" which was amazing.
Between the songs I closed my eyes and listened to the leader of the worship fest pray over us. I felt the presence of the Lord and started to cry, it was really that powerful. It felt so good, I felt so refreshed.
Out of all the youth groups i've attended, I really love YFC. I feel this deep connection with everyone. I feel way closer to God when Worshipping with everyone.
Welllll after that I had churros and tacos at Theresa's and read four chapters of "Into the wild!"
how was your day?
We started off by Worshipping, singing new songs and praising the Lord. It was the first time we had the "Worship Fest" and in between every song, everyone prays aloud and it's just so powerful. The singers, participants and mini choir and were so focused on God. After Worship the first time, there were "sharers." The only one i listened to was the one about the three bullets, maybe I'll write about it later. I started falling asleep so all the youth just chilled in the lobby and outside. Then we walked to the beach which was just across the street.
The beach was nice, it wasn't so nice though because the water had so much debree in it. There were so many dead crabs and scallops, it was very depressing. The sand wasn't soft either, it was grainy. It wasn't a swimming friendly beach, maybe that's why swimming was prohibited. But I collected shells while everyone was doing their thaang. The weather was alright, it was actually a little chilly.
We went back and then had the second "Worship Fest" which was amazing.
Between the songs I closed my eyes and listened to the leader of the worship fest pray over us. I felt the presence of the Lord and started to cry, it was really that powerful. It felt so good, I felt so refreshed.
Out of all the youth groups i've attended, I really love YFC. I feel this deep connection with everyone. I feel way closer to God when Worshipping with everyone.
Welllll after that I had churros and tacos at Theresa's and read four chapters of "Into the wild!"
how was your day?
my dream;
it felt so right, it felt so real.
i was supposed to be getting ready for the general assembly meeting .. which is today, which i should be getting ready for right now. and then you came over with a bunch of tonetti's cousins for some reason. that part was weird. and then i went over to the couch with you and i was about to kiss you but i guess you didn't want to kiss me so we eskimo kissed instead. and then we started to hold hands and then our hearts were beating faster and faster and it felt rigt. we were just there with each other, our bodies pressed against one another feeling our hearts beat together. and then i had to go. i didn't even get to shower. then helena picked me up for the general assembly meeting, which she will be doing in exactly an hour and thirty minutes. but the part when i was with you, it felt so real. i woke up smiling but frowned when i realized it was just a dream. but then again why would you bring tonetti's cousins to my house ?
i was supposed to be getting ready for the general assembly meeting .. which is today, which i should be getting ready for right now. and then you came over with a bunch of tonetti's cousins for some reason. that part was weird. and then i went over to the couch with you and i was about to kiss you but i guess you didn't want to kiss me so we eskimo kissed instead. and then we started to hold hands and then our hearts were beating faster and faster and it felt rigt. we were just there with each other, our bodies pressed against one another feeling our hearts beat together. and then i had to go. i didn't even get to shower. then helena picked me up for the general assembly meeting, which she will be doing in exactly an hour and thirty minutes. but the part when i was with you, it felt so real. i woke up smiling but frowned when i realized it was just a dream. but then again why would you bring tonetti's cousins to my house ?
run
i just need to run with it, for a long time. don't try to do anything. i've tried but no results have shown. i was so focused on thinking about what i should do and what i'm gonna do.
"Now all you can ever really do is go with the flow of how things are falling into place instead of trying to change the path things are going in."
i've been told different things:
it'll hurt for me to leave, but it'll kill me if i stay.
he'll realize. he will.
just show him he's the only one.
so many voices in my head. which path do i take, which one is right?
"Now all you can ever really do is go with the flow of how things are falling into place instead of trying to change the path things are going in."
i've been told different things:
it'll hurt for me to leave, but it'll kill me if i stay.
he'll realize. he will.
just show him he's the only one.
so many voices in my head. which path do i take, which one is right?
Friday, August 7, 2009
lemonade.
"you are worth the missed hours of sleep."
am i really? i'm glad you're here, you're exactly what i needed. you've helped me through a lot, you're one of the people who help me face reality. i'm glad i met you. you used to be someone i would overlook. i like the way you think, it's interesting. i like your voice too, it is soothing. remember at biznet? i was right in front of you, we didn't even know each other but i just listened to your voice and fell asleep. i don't even have to ask you to be there, you just are and i am glad. thank you for exsisting. actually, i should thank your parents for that.
edit:
l: I love you.
aww you actually said i love you. i smiled, really big, first time i've smiled in hours. it made me be even more thankful for you. you're someone that cares so deeply, i wish all my friends were like that. i knew that when i first met you, when i said "HAAY WILL YOU BE MY NEW FRIEND" there was something about you. i knew i could trust you instantly. you made me feel so much better, much more optimistic. thanks for listening.
am i really? i'm glad you're here, you're exactly what i needed. you've helped me through a lot, you're one of the people who help me face reality. i'm glad i met you. you used to be someone i would overlook. i like the way you think, it's interesting. i like your voice too, it is soothing. remember at biznet? i was right in front of you, we didn't even know each other but i just listened to your voice and fell asleep. i don't even have to ask you to be there, you just are and i am glad. thank you for exsisting. actually, i should thank your parents for that.
edit:
l: I love you.
aww you actually said i love you. i smiled, really big, first time i've smiled in hours. it made me be even more thankful for you. you're someone that cares so deeply, i wish all my friends were like that. i knew that when i first met you, when i said "HAAY WILL YOU BE MY NEW FRIEND" there was something about you. i knew i could trust you instantly. you made me feel so much better, much more optimistic. thanks for listening.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
i realize
that i think too much! i let the bad thoughts get in the way of my good thoughts, causing me to be all pessimistic and such, giving me this bad feeling that doesn't even really need to be there in the first place, but really i have nothing to worry about, so when i realize that i'm thinking about things that don't really need to be thought of, i feel stupid so really everything IZZZ ALL GEWWWWD. i am silly for thinking such thoughts and letting such thoughts get in the way.
and i also reaaalliiize i'm too quiet sometimes that it annoys myself. stepppp it uppp.
and i also reaaalliiize i'm too quiet sometimes that it annoys myself. stepppp it uppp.
that was fun
Johnny Somera: pierce my ears for me
Johnny Somera: kay?
Johnny Somera: lol
ericaaano: nooo i cant
ericaaano: haha
Johnny Somera: just close your eyes
Johnny Somera: and dont poke anywhere but my ear
Johnny Somera: please!
Johnny Somera: =[
ericaaano: kay
Johnny Somera: yay
Johnny Somera: i hope your serious
ericaaano: im not :]
Johnny Somera: im mad at you
Johnny Somera: keeedingg
ericaaano: gooood cause iii waaant it thaat way
Johnny Somera: oaky backstreet boys.
Johnny Somera: you think you can beat me up?
ericaaano: YEAAH
Johnny Somera: your berry punnay
ericaaano: you think im kidding?
Johnny Somera: of course
ericaaano: well i'm not.
Johnny Somera: what kinda skills you got
ericaaano: i am strong.
ericaaano: i am a woman.
ericaaano: what more skill do i neeD?
Johnny Somera: mkay amdea
Johnny Somera: madea*
Johnny Somera: your fighting abilities
ericaaano: yeah man
ericaaano: fight me
ericaaano: rawr
Johnny Somera: nigga.
Johnny Somera: you got weapons?
ericaaano: yeah
Johnny Somera: my only weapon is my mouth
ericaaano: my hands
Johnny Somera: whats yours?
Johnny Somera: damn
Johnny Somera: i fight with words not fists
Johnny Somera: i go by martin luther king
ericaaano: i dont need to touch, all i do is use the force.
Johnny Somera: DAMN
Johnny Somera: okay yoda.
ericaaano: yeah man GET AT ME
Johnny Somera: ima call up my homies
ericaaano: mmm boyy you need HOMIES to back you up?
Johnny Somera: ...
Johnny Somera: maybegg
Johnny Somera: maybehh*
ericaaano: oh really i dont im miss i n d e p e n d e n t to the fullest, the load never too big, i'm pullin it i shot the bullet that ended that liiife . DID THE PIMP IN YOU JUST DIE TONIGHT?
Johnny Somera: HAHA WTF!
Johnny Somera: girl im P I MP errday
Johnny Somera: so girl you dont know what da hellz you talking about
ericaaano: PIMP more like WIMP cause you need homies to back yuh up!
Johnny Somera: you betta take yo little bootay out of this place before ill call lil mama and have her judge and critisize you
Johnny Somera: very clever erica...
ericaaano: boyyyy i know what she gon' say. she's gon' say i put MY WHOLE HEART into what i do and boyyy she right, she right.
Johnny Somera: WHAT THE FUCK
Johnny Somera: NAW SHES GONNA SAY!
Johnny Somera: you so ugly.
Johnny Somera: youu so ugly...
Johnny Somera: YOU SOO UGLYY
Johnny Somera: dayum baybehh you so fione.
Johnny Somera: -Will Smith.
ericaaano: ...
ericaaano: i win
ericaaano: argument is over
Johnny Somera: you suck.
ericaaano: =D
Johnny Somera: ima hurt you
ericaaano: boyy doo it
Johnny Somera: kay
Johnny Somera: kay?
Johnny Somera: lol
ericaaano: nooo i cant
ericaaano: haha
Johnny Somera: just close your eyes
Johnny Somera: and dont poke anywhere but my ear
Johnny Somera: please!
Johnny Somera: =[
ericaaano: kay
Johnny Somera: yay
Johnny Somera: i hope your serious
ericaaano: im not :]
Johnny Somera: im mad at you
Johnny Somera: keeedingg
ericaaano: gooood cause iii waaant it thaat way
Johnny Somera: oaky backstreet boys.
Johnny Somera: you think you can beat me up?
ericaaano: YEAAH
Johnny Somera: your berry punnay
ericaaano: you think im kidding?
Johnny Somera: of course
ericaaano: well i'm not.
Johnny Somera: what kinda skills you got
ericaaano: i am strong.
ericaaano: i am a woman.
ericaaano: what more skill do i neeD?
Johnny Somera: mkay amdea
Johnny Somera: madea*
Johnny Somera: your fighting abilities
ericaaano: yeah man
ericaaano: fight me
ericaaano: rawr
Johnny Somera: nigga.
Johnny Somera: you got weapons?
ericaaano: yeah
Johnny Somera: my only weapon is my mouth
ericaaano: my hands
Johnny Somera: whats yours?
Johnny Somera: damn
Johnny Somera: i fight with words not fists
Johnny Somera: i go by martin luther king
ericaaano: i dont need to touch, all i do is use the force.
Johnny Somera: DAMN
Johnny Somera: okay yoda.
ericaaano: yeah man GET AT ME
Johnny Somera: ima call up my homies
ericaaano: mmm boyy you need HOMIES to back you up?
Johnny Somera: ...
Johnny Somera: maybegg
Johnny Somera: maybehh*
ericaaano: oh really i dont im miss i n d e p e n d e n t to the fullest, the load never too big, i'm pullin it i shot the bullet that ended that liiife . DID THE PIMP IN YOU JUST DIE TONIGHT?
Johnny Somera: HAHA WTF!
Johnny Somera: girl im P I MP errday
Johnny Somera: so girl you dont know what da hellz you talking about
ericaaano: PIMP more like WIMP cause you need homies to back yuh up!
Johnny Somera: you betta take yo little bootay out of this place before ill call lil mama and have her judge and critisize you
Johnny Somera: very clever erica...
ericaaano: boyyyy i know what she gon' say. she's gon' say i put MY WHOLE HEART into what i do and boyyy she right, she right.
Johnny Somera: WHAT THE FUCK
Johnny Somera: NAW SHES GONNA SAY!
Johnny Somera: you so ugly.
Johnny Somera: youu so ugly...
Johnny Somera: YOU SOO UGLYY
Johnny Somera: dayum baybehh you so fione.
Johnny Somera: -Will Smith.
ericaaano: ...
ericaaano: i win
ericaaano: argument is over
Johnny Somera: you suck.
ericaaano: =D
Johnny Somera: ima hurt you
ericaaano: boyy doo it
Johnny Somera: kay
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
so far
my day consisted of:
- chinese food with mandy
- cam with darryl
- tokbox with kevin, brandon, johnny
- phone with johnny and kevin
tokbox
- chinese food with mandy
- cam with darryl
- tokbox with kevin, brandon, johnny
- phone with johnny and kevin
tokbox
things to do before summer ends
- listen do the Destination: Beautiful album while driving in the sunset
- thriftstore hopping with Queenie
- {finish my shredded tee, alter the skirt into a dress, get the damn MS collection done}
- have a pinic on the beach, while the sun sets
- have a picnic anywhere else besides the beach
- watch all the harry potter movies in one day with Theresa+ her family
- have the "Fantastic Four", or maybe just us "Fantastic Three" (me, theresa, brooke) reunite
- have the Power Pelvic Thrusters reunite
- try skim boarding at least once
- shower with the hose in mah bathing suit
- buy ice cream from the ice cream truck
- movies/photobooth with Johnny
- make EPISODE TWO of "The adventures of THERICA"
- tye dye shirts with ellorins+ tyler
- become cops with tyler
- make up a handshake with bomban
- HAVE A GIRLS NIGHT with veronica, mandy, sami, ashley b, arlene
tobecontinued...
.. to be continued.
- thriftstore hopping with Queenie
- {finish my shredded tee, alter the skirt into a dress, get the damn MS collection done}
- have a pinic on the beach, while the sun sets
- have a picnic anywhere else besides the beach
- watch all the harry potter movies in one day with Theresa+ her family
- have the "Fantastic Four", or maybe just us "Fantastic Three" (me, theresa, brooke) reunite
- have the Power Pelvic Thrusters reunite
- try skim boarding at least once
- shower with the hose in mah bathing suit
- buy ice cream from the ice cream truck
- movies/photobooth with Johnny
- make EPISODE TWO of "The adventures of THERICA"
- tye dye shirts with ellorins+ tyler
- become cops with tyler
- make up a handshake with bomban
- HAVE A GIRLS NIGHT with veronica, mandy, sami, ashley b, arlene
tobecontinued...
.. to be continued.
everything is safe and sound.
thanks to you, i'm not a wreck. thanks to you, i haven't been feeling so alone. thanks to you, i'm okay now. i'm fine actually. thanks to you, i can breathe. thanks to you, i can smile, i can feel good. thank you for comforting me, thank you for being there. why haven't i met you before? life feels easier with you around.
Monday, August 3, 2009
my heart, my heart.
" show me where my heart is, i can clearly see it's not in any of the two.
tell me where my heart is, i have a feeling that it's still with you. "
tell me where my heart is, i have a feeling that it's still with you. "
Sunday, August 2, 2009
HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL
my dad got freshly inked. he's currently in FL. and i found out through theresa's facebook, LOLOLOL.
so after seeing that, i decided to make a facebook.
so after seeing that, i decided to make a facebook.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
something's coming in august, i promise.
You know how much I trust you
I hang on every word you say
You told me, "Something's coming in August. I promise."
Told me to throw out my calender,
'cause I'd know when it hit
I thought the sun would shine brighter
maybe the sand would cool down
"Wait till August, I promise
I promise, I'll make it right
Just survive
May, June, July
I promise, I'll make it right."
Maybe I'd sleep through the night
without smelling you on my pillows
Maybe this hole in my heart
would fill with new-found faith in myself
"Wait till August, I promise
I promise I'll make it right
Just survive, survive
May, June, July
I promise, I'll make it right."
I'm wasting away, bit by bit every day
trying, watch me try not to die with July
Told me throw out my calender, 'cause I'd know when it hit
And there you were, in my bed
told me what you remembered
"I lost myself in empty stares,
didn't recognize the guy in the mirror.
Lost myself along the lines of losing you.
Home is wherever you are, darling"
Don't know what today is, but it must be August.
-sami retiniano
the story behind this was, three years ago we said "something is coming in august, i promise." and sami and i were like OMG THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD SONG TITLE. we had so many ideas, but we just now wrote it- three years later. well, she wrote it, i'm coming up with the guitar parts but yeah.
it took us THREE years to write this, and it was finally written in AUGUST.
OH, the irony!
I hang on every word you say
You told me, "Something's coming in August. I promise."
Told me to throw out my calender,
'cause I'd know when it hit
I thought the sun would shine brighter
maybe the sand would cool down
"Wait till August, I promise
I promise, I'll make it right
Just survive
May, June, July
I promise, I'll make it right."
Maybe I'd sleep through the night
without smelling you on my pillows
Maybe this hole in my heart
would fill with new-found faith in myself
"Wait till August, I promise
I promise I'll make it right
Just survive, survive
May, June, July
I promise, I'll make it right."
I'm wasting away, bit by bit every day
trying, watch me try not to die with July
Told me throw out my calender, 'cause I'd know when it hit
And there you were, in my bed
told me what you remembered
"I lost myself in empty stares,
didn't recognize the guy in the mirror.
Lost myself along the lines of losing you.
Home is wherever you are, darling"
Don't know what today is, but it must be August.
-sami retiniano
the story behind this was, three years ago we said "something is coming in august, i promise." and sami and i were like OMG THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD SONG TITLE. we had so many ideas, but we just now wrote it- three years later. well, she wrote it, i'm coming up with the guitar parts but yeah.
it took us THREE years to write this, and it was finally written in AUGUST.
OH, the irony!
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