quotes to keep track of:

"Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old"

"Good things fall apart so that better things can fall into place."

'The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.' -Chuck Palahniuk

"The ultimate act of love is acceptance"

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, And don't put up with people that are reckless with yours."

BRACK FRIDAY

Tooday was the first Black Friday that I didn't wake up early in the morning to go anywhere.

I woke up around 9 and ate breakfast with Mandy and Erin. Then me and Mandy took a shower together and we were singing Feliz Navidad and dancing in the shower. It took us a while to get dressed, but when we did, we left with my mom and sister to go to the mall. We got there around 11 and went to Sephora. We tried on some foundation and lip stuff and we kept saying "THIS IS SO FUN."

Afterwards we met up with Johnny and Kevin and went to the food court.We all took pictures in the photobooth! After Kevin ate, they taught me how to play a card game called "Tonk." Then we met up with Brandon! Then we met up with Sami, Karl, and Rex! Then we met up with Ashley and Jonathan! Then I got tickets for Karl, Rex, Sami, Jonathan, Johnny, Kevin, Mandy and Ashley and I to see New moon. Before watching the movie we just sat around and ate. Karl, Rex, Jonathan and Ashley left to do something so it was just the "Power Puff Girls" (Mandy, Sami, and I) and the "Rowdy Ruff Boys" (Brandon, Kevin, Johnny). That section of the day was probably my favorite. We played Tonk before leaving to meet up with everyone to watch the movie.

The movie honestly wasn't as great the second time around, but oh well! I just walked around, bought a present for Sami, and was Johnny's Fashion Consultant.

I thought today was the funnest brack friday evur because I was with MY GROUP of friends. I recently discovered who my real friends were, kaibigan ko. And they're such a fun group of people- I'm glad to call them my friends. I am so cheesy.

i'm thankful for you.

Theresa Marie Ellorin Riel,
You have been my best friend ever since 6th grade. Thank you for putting up with me for all these years. Thank you for being there. I know we see things diffrently, live differently, and act differently, you still support me and you still love me unconditionally. Thank you for scolding me and putting me back in line. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for all those notes. Thank you for helping me with everything and showing me things in a new light, through a different perspective. Thank you for pretty much making me a part of your family, and being the family I never had. Thank you for being my best friend.

Mandy & Sami,
We've had each other all along, but it took us two years to figure out that all we really needed was each other. It took us that long to realize that we can find happiness in each other. Thank you for crying with me, laughing with me, and being stupid with me. You guys are really the best. Our friendship is like the kind we see on TV and people would want, haha. I don't know where I would be without your understanding and support. Since freshman year and beyond- I love you guys.


Queenie Del Rosario,
Even though I haven't known you for a long time, it seems like I have. When I formally met you, I knew there just something really special about you. There is more to you than meets the eye. Thank you SO MUCH for staying up with me all those nights to comfort me. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for helping me. I am looking forward to our date.

Kirby Anthony Santos Manaloto,
I owe a REALLY big thank you to you. Thank you for being in my life during that time I was with you. Thank you for those 6 months- they were amazing. Thank you for all those rides, hugs, kisses, gifts, food, dates, and all the time we spent together. Thank you for giving me a ride after Warped Tour. Thank you for making my 16th birthday, Valentines Day, and New Years 2009 the best. Thank you for everything. Everything we went through together and after we were together shaped me into who I am now!

Ashleyb& Arlene,
I am so glad you girls are in my group of girls. You make everything fun and you guys are just oh so cute. Thank you for being girly and letting me trick or treat with you haha.

Eric, Rex, Karl,
Confirmation Class wouldn't be fun without you guys. The retreat wouldn't have been fun! You guys are fun to be around. Thank you all for being so chill.

DC,
Thank you for comforting me, for making me laugh and smile, for being a dick to me (jokingly of course), for staying up with me, for singing to me, for letting me read to you in a british accent and for breathing. Are we sill on for July 17, 2011?

Tit Hair,
Thank you for watching all those movies with me and many more to come. Thank you for being yourself and being real. It is true we do share A LOT in common. Almost everything except for our age, family, and talent. Oh and we go to different schools. Besides that, we're pretty much the same. You're a really cool dude though, I NEVER thought we would be here.I'm looking forward to seeing us grow together!

Nghia Le,
Thank you for taking me to the beach after Kirby broke up with me. It was really relaxing. Thank you for taking the time to hang out with me and getting me out of the house those few times when I really needed to. Thank you for comforting me and helping me out, too. Thank you for helping me realize what is real and what is not. I'm sorry about those cookies.

Stefan Rigoroso Suarez,
Thank you for listening to me. I never knew I'd be confiding in you either, but it's nice talking to you. Thanks for trying to understand. Thanks for watching simply sara with me, LOL. You're a really cool dude and I'm glad we're friends!

richmond and stuff

yesterday was isiah and arlene's birthday!

i went on a field trip to VCU's fashion department/ short pump mall with the fashion marketing class and first colonial's class.
i sat with vi and was with her the whole time since we didn't really know/like anyone else. i helped her do her make up on the way to picking up first colonial.
on the way to richmond, transformers 2 was playing on charter bus' tv. we couldn't really hear it though because of the loud people in the back.
i listened to vi's ipod during a few songs and talked to her. we fell asleep for a little while listening to our own ipods.

i love being on the road at this time of year. just miles and miles of colored trees and lakes were really beautiful. the trees were at their height in color.

the trip to richmond wasn't too bad at all. when we arrived at richmond everyone was commenting on how ghetto it looks/ how it looks like philly. when we arrived at vcu we went to the bathroom and went to the auditorium place on the second floor where the fashion shows are usually held. 5 people talked to us about fashion design and fashion merchandising. it was boring, but they've convinced me i should go there. we were all eager to leave and eat and shop.

the trip to short pump mall from vcu was surprisingly longer than i expected. it was so nice though. it was a beautiful day, too. so first, vi and i looked around in j. crew, then we went to the food court and ate at panda express! the food was good, and i ate half of vi's food because she didn't like it. then we spent a while at hot topic because she wanted to get something for her friend. and then we looked around at delia's; it wasn't as great as i expected it to be. and the we spent the most time at urban outfitters! i got two shirts for me, one for my sister and arlene, and slipper for my mom. i wish i had more moey though because i would have gotten booties or another par of canvas shoes because the ones i have now are falling apart. we went to h&m for a little bit but to my surprise, they didn't have that much there. then we left. it took forever to get back because it was rush hour.

it turns out i missed open mic and i didn't get to perform.

allen picked me up when we got to the school and we went to five below to get arlene a present. we had a hard time at first, but he ended up buying four hello kitty tin cases. they were the only cool hello kitty things there. then we went to arlene's party. it wasn't much of a party, but more of a little gathering with our group of friends. it was nice. i didn't do much though but eat lumpia and take pictures with mandy. it was fun hanging out with everyone for a little though. i only stayed until 715-ish because i wasn't even supposed to be there. i'm still grounded but it doesn't really feel like it. allen took me home, but he went back to the party, or so he sad. it was nice hanging out with allen too, since we haven't in a while.

when i got home i watched kiki's delivery service with my sister and fell asleep
early.

open mic's my everything

its all i ever wanted
open mic is real big
bigger than we ever thought
--

history was chill but stupid cause we had to retake the same test we took the last aday and i was not energetic. chemistry was okay.. i studied really hard for the test, but the test was STILL really hard.

lunch was fun though, because i helped sell tickets with danielle and erwin. we were playing his ukulele and coming up with a jingle so everyone would be convinced to buy a ticket. we just ended up writing it to "best i ever had"

i came back to the cafeteria during study block and that one was funner because i actually went up to tables, sang the f.u.n. song for them, and convinced some people to buy a ticket tomorrow. i was proud of myself because i wasn't shy at all.

algebra II is so funny. theres the theater kid, country funny guy, and slow black chick. all of them together is a ridiculously funny combination. the theater kid always plays with scissors and i was acting like a mommy today, taking all the dangerous objects away from him.

when i got home today, it sucked. i. don't. like. home. at. times. like. this.

blogspot,

i will always stay faithful to you. i'll never leave you, we've been through too much together <3

Since no one really reads this anymore except for maybe Queenie and Jc..
----

-There is a fine line. Between those who care, and those who are hungry for chismis, or gossip. Those who care will see what I'm feeling. Those who are hungry are oblivious to my mask, my front.

- I suck at small talk. I love serious conversations. Always Up for a meaningful conversations.

-This blog is a diary for myself. I do not blog to impress. I write words to remind myself, and so I can look back on this.

i cannot find the heart i gave to you

glass-ingrid michaelson

Promise yourself,

to not waste time.

I want a guy..

Whose humor consists of more than acting gay. Someone who won’t make fun of how messy i am. Who will let me take care of him. A straight up gentleman. Who will treat my body like his body and well let me treat his body like my body. Who will still be a kid with me, but can act like an adult. Who I can be comfortable with. Who will do homework with me. Who will sweep me off my feet. Who is willing to teach and to learn. Who is Willing to face uncertainty with me. Who will Discuss, debate, and argue with me. Whom I can completely be confident. Who will balance his time with me, his boys, and family. Who will be intellectual with me, but also know how to be stupid with me. Who will love my family like his own. Who won't give a fuck about what everyone thinks. I want a guy who will want me. Who will need me.
Who will not run.

away

Although my dad is retired from the navy, he still leaves every 2-3 weeks.
Tomorrow morning he's leaving for the Philippines and he'll be there for 2-3 weeks. I'm really worried for his safety because of the weather, and because it's dangerous. He told me to be careful and watch out for scams and calls from people asking us for money. There might be calls like "your dad has been kidnapped, please give us money to help us find him" or "this is your dad, send me money" and i have to ask the caller for a security question, to find out if it's really my dad.

I've been used to his absence. My dad missed a lot of my birthdays- including my birth. He missed a lot of holidays too, this year he's going to miss thanksgiving. I remember when I was 5 or 6 I used to cry for my dad a lot when he was on deployment. Whenever he'd come home he'd tickle me and my sister. My sister and I would always try to hide from him and when he would find us he'd tickle us too. It used to be really sad whenever my dad would leave for a 6 month deployment, or on leave for a week or two. But now I'm so used to it. I'm not surprised when I hear that he's leaving. Two weeks ago he was in New Jersey. For my birthday he was in Florida I think? Or South Carolina. Or Oregon. On my sister's birthday he'll be in Florida. My dad doesn't even work in the military, he works as a civilian calibrating gauges on ships. But his work takes him EVERYWHERE! I would want a job that takes me everywhere, but not as labourous as his job.


I just pray that my dad will be safe along with everyone flying out in this horrible weather.

happy birthday tyler

looking back at my old posts..

Well, of course I've changed! And for the better thank goodness.
I've straightened out my priorities. I've revived frienships, relationships. I've done a complete 180 from my "fuck everything" bitter, mindset.
I think I'm tingling with content. I haven't been here, at this place, for so long. I began to appreciate the little things more! And I am REALLY appreciative for the past. It.All.Adds.Up. To who I am now!
I would like to thank everyone who has walked into my life. Regardless of whether you are still in my life or have walked out, you've affected me in some way and I am grateful for that.

:]

the little things make my day

"my name's sh-sh-shaq."

"is that your happy sigh?"

"this is the retard table. represent!"

"LET'S GO, PUMPKIN!"

"say toy boy 5 times fast."

"from british accents to weird homonyms."
"synonyms."

"my mac runs faster than the speed of dirt."

"the speed of squirrels."



"Shelby, the pumpkin."

Love

Today's lesson in Confirmation Class was on Christian Morality, but really along the lines of love.
This dude who was "straight outta compton" talked about how he grew up really tough, and never expected himself to be a tough guy. On how all he thought about was sex back then. Stuff I wrote down that he touched:

"WE HAVE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE FOR CHRIST"

"Overcome."

"Gain peace through just war."

"War becomes consuming"

" Love= thinking of others before yourself."

"TAKE TIME TO MAKE IT HAPPEN."

"Where you are today is a very short trip."

"Love is making a difference in someone's life."

"Love is the highest law."

"Create virtues."

i think today was symbolic.

today was indeed special, because the major events happened with sami.
today i lived up to what i've really been meaning to do.
"flow." and i did just that. i let go of the things that weren't meant to be made a big deal out of. and i took everything as it came and savoured everything. it really is better to let go than to be in control. i feel so free, so relaxed. and life is going in the direction i want it to go in- FORWARD.
"live once." and that, i also did. the adrenaline rush felt great, and sharing that with sami was so funny.
taking big loads off my shoulders one thing at a time feels nice too.

i took my family for granted and i'm changing my attitude towards them. i'm finally building a good relatioinship with my sister!
all that's left are two things. You&you. oh well, i'll deal with you later, i guess now isn't the time!

i hope everyone had a good day!

minor detail

saturday
theresa picked me up around 9 and we went to angie's for the YFC household meeting. The talk was about family. About how they do nothing but love you. About how you think they don't understand you, but they really do. And the number 7. Auntie Marevick wrote Family, Life, and Love, using the 7 for the l's and F.
After closing song/prayer we (angie, theresa, harry, baby c, janelle, gabby,helena) ate, talked about dreams, went to the park, and chilled outside. I got to catch up with Helena, that was really nice.
Afterwards Helena and I got dropped off at the mall. I got a skirt for my sister and two belts. Everyone from Salem was there, but I don't really like big groups so I was with Rochelle for most of the time after Helena left. Then I was with Johnny for a little until I had to leave.
Eric picked me up and we went to Cox High for the special olympics. Eric, Rex, Katie, Karl, Arlene, Christian and I were there for two hours doing pretty much nothing. We were assigned to four games, two people each but Christian was with Katie and I at the dinosaur ring toss. All of us took turns playing that, and we were playing hot potato with one of the stuffed things at Eric's game. We stopped throwing the thing around when people were walking passed us. During those time outs Karl, Eric, Arlene and I were dancing. Then we were throwing stuff at Christian and Katie and they threw the little balls back at us.
Those two hours were really fun IMO. Then the contestants came! The dinosaur ring toss was the most popular, might I say because a lot of people were coming back to play. Christian was in charge of giving out the fake money and I had to collect the rings and asked people if they wantedto play. Within 30 minutes I was alreay tired and sweating. I got to spend time with Christian though, which was noiice.
Then, I got a call from my dad on Eric's phone. My parents didn't know where I was when I clearly told them earlier that I was goign to Cox with Eric. My parents were screaming at me, telling me I have no idea what they had to go through. After I hung up I broke down and cried on Christian and then Rex, Karl, and Katie surrounded me with hugs. Rex and Katie went with me to wait for my dad in Eric's car since it was really cold and it was safe. There weretwo people geting buck outside of the car so I locked the doors. Rex went out to look for my dad and katie and I were worried for Rex's safety, which was funny. He took the keys so Katie and I were just locked in the car, scared for a few minutes. Turns out my dad walked into the school. So i found him and got into the truck.
I reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalyyyyyyyyy looove the group I was with.

Gratuitious Photo Of Yourself Wednesday

i've decided to post a picture of myself on wednesdays, because Queenie told me to.




DUMSKEME.
"Don't feed the hypebeast"
lololol

400th post

wow and it hasn't even been a year since i've had you, blogspot.