touchdown turnaround
covering my own song
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
i am myself.
e: You're a funny, strong, beautiful girl. YOU HAVE A PERSONALITY. Let it resonate. Let your presence be known. Be memorable.
e: I remember you for you.
e: Not the guys you've been with
e: not your friends
e: You.
e: I remember you for you.
e: Not the guys you've been with
e: not your friends
e: You.
its times like these.
it's so easy to let yourself go. its so easy to let yourself fall. and most of the time it isn't easy getting back up. it's times like these where i feel alone and i have nothing, no one. its times like these its times like these when my heart aches, i hold my breath, i regain myself,and i close my eyes and i try.
dragonn
so yesterday my uncle came over at 9ish, and thats the earliest i've woken up in a looong time. i cleaned for a little, took a shower, and eric picked me up around 130 and then we got ira and went to the meeting at mark's. i was there till about 5.
i'm really hyped for this year! i can't wait until the orientation cause we'll have a FACS booth and i'll be providing entertainment with mandy, attracting future FACS members. i'm also really really hyped for the video, lock in, and this year, pretty much because THIS IS IT. we're going to make this year big. yeeeeuhhhh.
aaaaand then i went home and then later i ate out at ninja steakhouse with my mom, sister, uncle& auntie from canada, and mandy.
i ordered a dragon roll!
and a mango bubble tea thaang
i wore a denim vest that used to be a denim dress.
and my hair looked really sweeeeet, but the picture did no justice for it.
then mark busante picked me and mandy up and we went to the teen night at alps cafe, which was really fun! i wish i took pictures, haha.
i'm really hyped for this year! i can't wait until the orientation cause we'll have a FACS booth and i'll be providing entertainment with mandy, attracting future FACS members. i'm also really really hyped for the video, lock in, and this year, pretty much because THIS IS IT. we're going to make this year big. yeeeeuhhhh.
aaaaand then i went home and then later i ate out at ninja steakhouse with my mom, sister, uncle& auntie from canada, and mandy.
i ordered a dragon roll!
and a mango bubble tea thaang
i wore a denim vest that used to be a denim dress.
and my hair looked really sweeeeet, but the picture did no justice for it. then mark busante picked me and mandy up and we went to the teen night at alps cafe, which was really fun! i wish i took pictures, haha.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
like you,
i always find myself to be really envious of you. actually, i was always envious of you, ever since we first met, ever since we started talking, ever since we became friends. everywhere i go, they always ask me where you are. like tonight, no one really said hi to me, they came up to me and asked me where you were. i was the one saying hi to them, but oh well. and when i say everyone i really do mean EVERYONE. even ronnie noticed. you're so much prettier, your voice is so much better. you look more mature than i do and you're younger than me. everyone wants to talk to you, everyone wants to be your friend. it's like I'm just in the background, where ever you are. where ever i am, everyone expects you to be with me. they don't want me, they want you. i just take up space but you actually make an impact where ever you are. i know i'm not supposed to compare myself to people and it just makes me feel worse, but tonight made me realize i need to change. i need to step it up and become a better person.
watch this video everyday, and vote, everyday
so they can win a moonman at the VMA'S! theyre my "cousins" :] vote here http://pepsi.yahoo.com/rockband/video/watch/?v=5HSAZljVX
by the way, this is my 200th post! yay hahahah
by the way, this is my 200th post! yay hahahah
influence.
once you go in, you won't come out the same again. that particular group of people- they do seem to change a lot of people. if you're around them a lot, their habits seem to grow on you. the way they act, the jokes, the style. they're still a different group of people, but it seems like they all end up the same. it also seems like one or two people start the trend, then everyone in that group follows. and then it spreads. it's actually those two people who influence the group then influence everyone else. i'm guilty of being influenced by them in a way. i do some of the things they do. this was juust an observation.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
it's been a month.
did you know that the really really cute orange furry alien thing on chicken little is named kirby? 
anyway.
it's been a month. it doesn't seem so long ago even though a lot has happened during the course of a month. i mean, i can still remember that day, it's still clear and fresh in my mind.
once in a while i always try to replay that day in my mind, so i won't forget how he tried to make it less painless.
i will never ever ever ever forget how he sang "unforgettable" by nat king cole, and we slow danced, swaying together as the soothing hums filled my ears. i sobbed even harder- only because it was sweet and i'd know i'd miss him even more. it used to be so painful, remembering that exact moment when he took me in his arms and made us dance. it still is, not as much as it used to be though.
during those first two weeks, my friends told me they were proud of me for being optimisticxa. i didn't cry since that day, i didn't spend my days inside and crying my heart out, i didn't try getting him back. i was strong, i felt strong. and then i had a breakdown. i became weaker as he became stronger. and then i started to regain strength because of friends who helped me face reality
of course there will still be times where my heart aches, of course. i don't know where i would be right now if it weren't for God and my friends and a family who understands. Oh man, everytime my dad and i were alone, he'd give me talks about when he had girlfriends, and not what to do when i get into a future relationship, and reasons why he thought our relationship failed. he stopped doing that and thank goodness he did because it just made me feel worse and it was just really annoying.
i'm glad we were together and i'm glad we went through all the things did. he's impacted my life a lot, showed me how to live cause "you only live once", and just made me a more optimistic person.
WHATHAVEILEARNEDTHISMONTH?
-expectations bring you down
-God's love is bigger than any tradgedy in the world and we have to embrace It
-the only person you need to be strong for is yourself, only worry about yourself before you can worry about others
-sitting there and dwelling about what you want will just make you really sad and won't do anything to help
-it's okay to break down sometimes, youre not superman, no one expects you to be strong all the time.
-the longer we bottle up our feelings, the worse our breakdowns will be.
-theres no knowing, only hope.
-we must accept the things we cannot change.
it's amazingly strange.
anyway.
it's been a month. it doesn't seem so long ago even though a lot has happened during the course of a month. i mean, i can still remember that day, it's still clear and fresh in my mind.
once in a while i always try to replay that day in my mind, so i won't forget how he tried to make it less painless.
i will never ever ever ever forget how he sang "unforgettable" by nat king cole, and we slow danced, swaying together as the soothing hums filled my ears. i sobbed even harder- only because it was sweet and i'd know i'd miss him even more. it used to be so painful, remembering that exact moment when he took me in his arms and made us dance. it still is, not as much as it used to be though.
during those first two weeks, my friends told me they were proud of me for being optimisticxa. i didn't cry since that day, i didn't spend my days inside and crying my heart out, i didn't try getting him back. i was strong, i felt strong. and then i had a breakdown. i became weaker as he became stronger. and then i started to regain strength because of friends who helped me face reality
of course there will still be times where my heart aches, of course. i don't know where i would be right now if it weren't for God and my friends and a family who understands. Oh man, everytime my dad and i were alone, he'd give me talks about when he had girlfriends, and not what to do when i get into a future relationship, and reasons why he thought our relationship failed. he stopped doing that and thank goodness he did because it just made me feel worse and it was just really annoying.
i'm glad we were together and i'm glad we went through all the things did. he's impacted my life a lot, showed me how to live cause "you only live once", and just made me a more optimistic person.
WHATHAVEILEARNEDTHISMONTH?
-expectations bring you down
-God's love is bigger than any tradgedy in the world and we have to embrace It
-the only person you need to be strong for is yourself, only worry about yourself before you can worry about others
-sitting there and dwelling about what you want will just make you really sad and won't do anything to help
-it's okay to break down sometimes, youre not superman, no one expects you to be strong all the time.
-the longer we bottle up our feelings, the worse our breakdowns will be.
-theres no knowing, only hope.
-we must accept the things we cannot change.
it's amazingly strange.
Monday, July 27, 2009
troof.
ke: We've been trying to find ourselves in everyone else.
ke: That's why we feel so hollow when we get left behind.
so damn true.
ke: That's why we feel so hollow when we get left behind.
so damn true.
i need a place to put this
no: should you feel superior or equality when someone lets you down?
ke: Why feel equality?
ke: Unless you're now even
ke: if you've let them down once
ke: but if you've never let them down before, if you do your job
ke: yes, you are superior
no: having the attitude of thinking everyone is the same
ke: We're not.
ke: In basic terms, we are
ke: we all start out the same
ke: but what we do in life, the things we do, the things we choose
ke: makes us different
no: but no one should be more superior than the other
no: she said
no: because we are all people
ke: Then what's the use of being a good person
ke: if a good person is equal to a bad person?
no: 'to me, people have different levels of goodness and badness, even if theres a bad person and i guess youre a better person than them you'll just end up dying in the end. we fight but we end up dying in the end . we grow together with good people and we grow together with bad people. you cant give them ranks because of how good or bad they are.'
ke: Well to me, it seems pretty obvious there are people who do more bad than other people
ke: People are people. We are the same in that way. This is true. But we make ourselves through our actions. How come it's okay to say that someone who does bad is a low person, but someone who is good isn't a superior person?
sami eat cake: We start out with a clean slate. We make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. We do good. We do bad. But when the bad outweighs the good, we go down bad roads leading to only worse places. But most people don't go down all the bad roads. It's usually an even amount of good and bad, or more good than bad. But isn't it obvious who the people are that take the bad route? Aren't we better than homewreckers and heartbreakers? better than murderers and rapists, drug dealers and druggies? We're better than them only if they don't plan on helping themselves, on doing good to get them out of bad places.
--
ke: but then I remember not everything is black and white
ke: there are a lot of gray areas in the world
ke: And the gray in this is: it depends if the person who has trespassed against you wants to better themselves. If they don't, in a sense, we are better, in that we see what is good and right, and they don't. But if they accept retribution and try to repent, we are equal
ke: Why feel equality?
ke: Unless you're now even
ke: if you've let them down once
ke: but if you've never let them down before, if you do your job
ke: yes, you are superior
no: having the attitude of thinking everyone is the same
ke: We're not.
ke: In basic terms, we are
ke: we all start out the same
ke: but what we do in life, the things we do, the things we choose
ke: makes us different
no: but no one should be more superior than the other
no: she said
no: because we are all people
ke: Then what's the use of being a good person
ke: if a good person is equal to a bad person?
no: 'to me, people have different levels of goodness and badness, even if theres a bad person and i guess youre a better person than them you'll just end up dying in the end. we fight but we end up dying in the end . we grow together with good people and we grow together with bad people. you cant give them ranks because of how good or bad they are.'
ke: Well to me, it seems pretty obvious there are people who do more bad than other people
ke: People are people. We are the same in that way. This is true. But we make ourselves through our actions. How come it's okay to say that someone who does bad is a low person, but someone who is good isn't a superior person?
sami eat cake: We start out with a clean slate. We make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. We do good. We do bad. But when the bad outweighs the good, we go down bad roads leading to only worse places. But most people don't go down all the bad roads. It's usually an even amount of good and bad, or more good than bad. But isn't it obvious who the people are that take the bad route? Aren't we better than homewreckers and heartbreakers? better than murderers and rapists, drug dealers and druggies? We're better than them only if they don't plan on helping themselves, on doing good to get them out of bad places.
--
ke: but then I remember not everything is black and white
ke: there are a lot of gray areas in the world
ke: And the gray in this is: it depends if the person who has trespassed against you wants to better themselves. If they don't, in a sense, we are better, in that we see what is good and right, and they don't. But if they accept retribution and try to repent, we are equal
Sunday, July 26, 2009
look what i found!
erica,
you're sooper cool. mann, you're da best friend eva! :] you've bee der when i didn't have many friends like you last year. I hope we'll be best friends for a longgg...TIME! haha. we'd better stay close. You are one of my only friends that are shorter than me! lol. juss kidding. I love you soo effing much! Thanx for being derr. You're da bestest!
-Theresa
hm, i believe you wrote that in seventh grade, bestfriend. Haaaay we did stay close! And haaaay its almost been five years of knowing each other. my goodness golly gosh, i miss you, we haven't hung out in two weeks, haha. so i was cleaning out my room and i found all the notebooks and folders that contained the notes from like 6-10 grade. Maaaan i hope we continue those till like, we're so old we can't write anymoar. polukey+mexidino<3
you're sooper cool. mann, you're da best friend eva! :] you've bee der when i didn't have many friends like you last year. I hope we'll be best friends for a longgg...TIME! haha. we'd better stay close. You are one of my only friends that are shorter than me! lol. juss kidding. I love you soo effing much! Thanx for being derr. You're da bestest!
-Theresa
hm, i believe you wrote that in seventh grade, bestfriend. Haaaay we did stay close! And haaaay its almost been five years of knowing each other. my goodness golly gosh, i miss you, we haven't hung out in two weeks, haha. so i was cleaning out my room and i found all the notebooks and folders that contained the notes from like 6-10 grade. Maaaan i hope we continue those till like, we're so old we can't write anymoar. polukey+mexidino<3
beautiful sunday.
there was something about the world that made today unusually beautiful.
i mean, everyday is beautiful, but this sunday wasn't an ordinary sunday.
i noticed everything at church.
when i came in, the place was dark. we sat for a while and my dad told me theresa arrived. i turned around and there she was, walking with her family. as i was walking/running towards her, the worshipping area lit up, illuminating the faces of my best friend and her family. i've never seen her so beautiful.
as we were waiting for mass to begin, i fixed my eyes on the stained glass window. it's always been there, i see it every week, but my eyes were completely glued to it for what seemed like the longest time. the colors of the stained glass window were very cool colors, the dove an aqua teal, the color that attracts me the most and is most calming to me. i like that color because it reminds me of the waters of a tropical ocean. i remember when i went to children's liturgy with my sister in second grade, we had to draw something we saw in church and i drew the stained glass window while everyone else drew a cross and my drawing caught the teacher's attention.
this wasn't the first time i noticed this, but the participation of the congregation when it came to singing the hymns was just so pretty. this morning during breakfast, my mom and sister and i were watching TFC, and it showed clips from a healing mass for their ex president, Cory Aquino. Everyone from the town she came from gathered for a mass in honor of her, praying for her so that she could be healed. "They are united," my mother said. I responded with "I wish everyone here was united liike that." While singing along with everyone at church, i realized we ARE united. Not just every Sunday, but everyday because we are catholics meaning universal. Uni=one.
So during mass today, I felt refreshed and optimistic while taking everything in.
There's this girl who sits in front of me with her family and she always glares at me for some reason. My mom told me we've met before but i don't remember her at all. She has an eyebrow piercing and tattooed wings on her back and pretty sweet style. But i think it's funny how she glares at me. My mom said it's because she's jealous of my style or something, but i think she dresses nicer than me. During sign of peace, I shook her brother's hand and her mom's hand and she was beside them. We made eye contact for a second cause i thought i was gonna shake her hand, but she just glared at me. what did i do? D: oh well.
on the bright side, i looked on the bright side today haha.
i mean, everyday is beautiful, but this sunday wasn't an ordinary sunday.
i noticed everything at church.
when i came in, the place was dark. we sat for a while and my dad told me theresa arrived. i turned around and there she was, walking with her family. as i was walking/running towards her, the worshipping area lit up, illuminating the faces of my best friend and her family. i've never seen her so beautiful.
as we were waiting for mass to begin, i fixed my eyes on the stained glass window. it's always been there, i see it every week, but my eyes were completely glued to it for what seemed like the longest time. the colors of the stained glass window were very cool colors, the dove an aqua teal, the color that attracts me the most and is most calming to me. i like that color because it reminds me of the waters of a tropical ocean. i remember when i went to children's liturgy with my sister in second grade, we had to draw something we saw in church and i drew the stained glass window while everyone else drew a cross and my drawing caught the teacher's attention.
this wasn't the first time i noticed this, but the participation of the congregation when it came to singing the hymns was just so pretty. this morning during breakfast, my mom and sister and i were watching TFC, and it showed clips from a healing mass for their ex president, Cory Aquino. Everyone from the town she came from gathered for a mass in honor of her, praying for her so that she could be healed. "They are united," my mother said. I responded with "I wish everyone here was united liike that." While singing along with everyone at church, i realized we ARE united. Not just every Sunday, but everyday because we are catholics meaning universal. Uni=one.
So during mass today, I felt refreshed and optimistic while taking everything in.
There's this girl who sits in front of me with her family and she always glares at me for some reason. My mom told me we've met before but i don't remember her at all. She has an eyebrow piercing and tattooed wings on her back and pretty sweet style. But i think it's funny how she glares at me. My mom said it's because she's jealous of my style or something, but i think she dresses nicer than me. During sign of peace, I shook her brother's hand and her mom's hand and she was beside them. We made eye contact for a second cause i thought i was gonna shake her hand, but she just glared at me. what did i do? D: oh well.
on the bright side, i looked on the bright side today haha.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
a time for letting go
first batch:
i didn't want to wash the covers because they still smelled like you somehow. i felt like if i washed them, i'd wash you away. i know it's silly, but that's really how i felt. i was listening to "such great heights" when i put them in the washer (i had to), I took one look at the make up stained blanket, and i closed the washer. as i did that, the song ended.
i put your picture in front of the roses, and whenever i go through the door, i felt your eyes on me. sometimes, i couldn't even look at you. but it's just a picture. my mom asked me why i kept the roses and your picture there. "he doesn't even like you." i then figured it was pointless to keep them there. i was afraid to put them away because i feared i wouldn't feel your presence anymore. but today i got over that fear. i felt like you didn't need to watch me anymore. the little things i got from you had a place, but other things were loose. i put all the things without a place in a box, so that they would have a place. the items were like memories. they were loose, they didn't have a place, but i finally put them away. i finally felt ready to let go.
---
second batch:
i gathered your origami and notes and stuffed them into a box labeled "time's long past." i sort of felt bad, for stuffing your origami into that small box because i know you worked so hard on them. i tried finding the things you gave me, but it wasn't much. we shared something special, and then it turned into something that didn't seem special at all. was i wrong to push my memories with you away? everytime i think about you, i get angry. whenever i see you, i get angry. i haven't tried to forgive you, because the things you did to me were just so stupid. although you did those stupid things in the end, i loved you. i actually wanted to deal with everything, even when it was too much. you will always be my first love. everything we went through happened for a reason. i just wish you changed for the better, not the worse. i hope you realize how much you've changed, i hope you realize why things don't ever turn out the way you want them to, i hope you realize why i didn't give you a second chance. and i hope you won't continue to be a jerk to me and everyone else around you. and i hope you give me my stuff back someday, especially that picture of me bowling because i never even gave that to you.
---
good thing i already put your notes somewhere, in that heart shaped box you gave me for valentines day. that was the first year i ever had a valentine. i won't ever forget that day. i met up with you and your friend, you were wearing that black dress up shirt, all black actually. we went to our friends and hung out in the living room while the other couple made lumpia. and that day i got my first kiss. everytime i look back on that day, i just laugh. no one would ever expect you'd be my first kiss, and no one would ever expect that you'd miss, hahahahaha. i hope everything works out for you, you're a pretty good guy.
i didn't feel bad when i put both of you in that box, i actually smiled because i knew i've already let go.
---
it took me forever to find your note. i dug through my drawer for a few minutes only to realize i already put it in another box. i retrieved the note and read it. You typed that note, the only typed "love note" i've ever recieved. You had a lot of typos, but that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the content of the note. I still can't believe you made my wish came true, even when I had no feelings for you at the time of your arrival. In the note, you said you would always love me, no matter what. you told me not to forget you, and you would never forget me. you told me to keep in touch. I teared up after i read it, because it reminded me of the day I saw you after five years.
Before you came, when I "loved" you, I always imagined what it would be like. I always thought it would be like those movies, where I ran into your arms and started kissing you or something. I remember before I left to go see you, I told my parents I knew of your arrival, and I wasn't supposed to know. My dad told me not to kiss you. I walked through the door and into the kitchen, and there you were, in your red polo shirt. We hugged, and you held me in your arms for the longest time. I've never heard anyone's heart beat that fast and that loud before. And you smelled really good. I never knew that it would be so silent, I never expected us to be so shy and quiet around each other. And I never expected you to tell me you loved me before you left, and I never expected myself not to say anything back to you. It wasn't worth it, you said, and I still feel bad.
I'm glad I got to see you months after that, when everything between us was good, and it wasn't akward anymore. I'll never forget you. How could I ? You've made a big impact on my life. I always wonder how you're doing, and I wonder if i'll ever win the bet- to see if you'd be married by 2028.
I put your note in the same box labled "time's long past" along with your cross country shirt that had your name printed on it. You belong with the rest of the boys.
---
i didn't want to wash the covers because they still smelled like you somehow. i felt like if i washed them, i'd wash you away. i know it's silly, but that's really how i felt. i was listening to "such great heights" when i put them in the washer (i had to), I took one look at the make up stained blanket, and i closed the washer. as i did that, the song ended.
i put your picture in front of the roses, and whenever i go through the door, i felt your eyes on me. sometimes, i couldn't even look at you. but it's just a picture. my mom asked me why i kept the roses and your picture there. "he doesn't even like you." i then figured it was pointless to keep them there. i was afraid to put them away because i feared i wouldn't feel your presence anymore. but today i got over that fear. i felt like you didn't need to watch me anymore. the little things i got from you had a place, but other things were loose. i put all the things without a place in a box, so that they would have a place. the items were like memories. they were loose, they didn't have a place, but i finally put them away. i finally felt ready to let go.
---
second batch:
i gathered your origami and notes and stuffed them into a box labeled "time's long past." i sort of felt bad, for stuffing your origami into that small box because i know you worked so hard on them. i tried finding the things you gave me, but it wasn't much. we shared something special, and then it turned into something that didn't seem special at all. was i wrong to push my memories with you away? everytime i think about you, i get angry. whenever i see you, i get angry. i haven't tried to forgive you, because the things you did to me were just so stupid. although you did those stupid things in the end, i loved you. i actually wanted to deal with everything, even when it was too much. you will always be my first love. everything we went through happened for a reason. i just wish you changed for the better, not the worse. i hope you realize how much you've changed, i hope you realize why things don't ever turn out the way you want them to, i hope you realize why i didn't give you a second chance. and i hope you won't continue to be a jerk to me and everyone else around you. and i hope you give me my stuff back someday, especially that picture of me bowling because i never even gave that to you.
---
good thing i already put your notes somewhere, in that heart shaped box you gave me for valentines day. that was the first year i ever had a valentine. i won't ever forget that day. i met up with you and your friend, you were wearing that black dress up shirt, all black actually. we went to our friends and hung out in the living room while the other couple made lumpia. and that day i got my first kiss. everytime i look back on that day, i just laugh. no one would ever expect you'd be my first kiss, and no one would ever expect that you'd miss, hahahahaha. i hope everything works out for you, you're a pretty good guy.
i didn't feel bad when i put both of you in that box, i actually smiled because i knew i've already let go.
---
it took me forever to find your note. i dug through my drawer for a few minutes only to realize i already put it in another box. i retrieved the note and read it. You typed that note, the only typed "love note" i've ever recieved. You had a lot of typos, but that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the content of the note. I still can't believe you made my wish came true, even when I had no feelings for you at the time of your arrival. In the note, you said you would always love me, no matter what. you told me not to forget you, and you would never forget me. you told me to keep in touch. I teared up after i read it, because it reminded me of the day I saw you after five years.
Before you came, when I "loved" you, I always imagined what it would be like. I always thought it would be like those movies, where I ran into your arms and started kissing you or something. I remember before I left to go see you, I told my parents I knew of your arrival, and I wasn't supposed to know. My dad told me not to kiss you. I walked through the door and into the kitchen, and there you were, in your red polo shirt. We hugged, and you held me in your arms for the longest time. I've never heard anyone's heart beat that fast and that loud before. And you smelled really good. I never knew that it would be so silent, I never expected us to be so shy and quiet around each other. And I never expected you to tell me you loved me before you left, and I never expected myself not to say anything back to you. It wasn't worth it, you said, and I still feel bad.
I'm glad I got to see you months after that, when everything between us was good, and it wasn't akward anymore. I'll never forget you. How could I ? You've made a big impact on my life. I always wonder how you're doing, and I wonder if i'll ever win the bet- to see if you'd be married by 2028.
I put your note in the same box labled "time's long past" along with your cross country shirt that had your name printed on it. You belong with the rest of the boys.
---
Friday, July 24, 2009
I FOUND MY CAMERA!
it was missing for a few months.
i lost it right after kirby found it, haha.
i started to clean my room today, with help from my mom and sister. yes, it takes three people to clean my room cause i have a lot of junk.
i came across a collection of old diaries, from first grade till the end of middle school. most of the diaries are from summer vacation, and all i wrote was about boredom. the diaries from sixth and seventh grade consisted of sketches of people with hair in their face, with captions like "i'm so alone" or something really emo, really really bad poetry, and unfinished stories and comics. it's funny, looking back at the way i used to be. the poetry i wrote a few years ago sort of ties in with my life right now, er well a few weeks ago. during middle school i didn't even deal with much except for teenage angst, trouble with fitting in. back then i wanted to have problems, i wanted things to deal with so i could have a real reason for being that way (eeeeeeeeeemooooo). now that i have reasons to be like that- i'm not like that at all. sheeeeesh! i was a poser. haha.
well anyway, today i bought my book for ap psychology, The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks. When i got it i was really excited;i love the smell of new books.
i lost it right after kirby found it, haha.
i started to clean my room today, with help from my mom and sister. yes, it takes three people to clean my room cause i have a lot of junk.
i came across a collection of old diaries, from first grade till the end of middle school. most of the diaries are from summer vacation, and all i wrote was about boredom. the diaries from sixth and seventh grade consisted of sketches of people with hair in their face, with captions like "i'm so alone" or something really emo, really really bad poetry, and unfinished stories and comics. it's funny, looking back at the way i used to be. the poetry i wrote a few years ago sort of ties in with my life right now, er well a few weeks ago. during middle school i didn't even deal with much except for teenage angst, trouble with fitting in. back then i wanted to have problems, i wanted things to deal with so i could have a real reason for being that way (eeeeeeeeeemooooo). now that i have reasons to be like that- i'm not like that at all. sheeeeesh! i was a poser. haha.
well anyway, today i bought my book for ap psychology, The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks. When i got it i was really excited;i love the smell of new books.
this is how i got rid of my hiccups
ERiKERRR: jc
ERiKERRR: i have the hiccups
ERiKERRR: make them go away
pressSTARTfool: YOU'RE A BITCH
pressSTARTfool: FUCKING HATE YOUR MOTHER FUCKING GUTS
ERiKERRR: yay! =D
pressSTARTfool: did it work?
ERiKERRR: no
pressSTARTfool: oh
pressSTARTfool: hahah
ERiKERRR: wait ..
ERiKERRR: i think so
pressSTARTfool: then i'm really really sorry
ERiKERRR: OMG
ERiKERRR: YAY
ERiKERRR: THANK YOU
ERiKERRR: i have the hiccups
ERiKERRR: make them go away
pressSTARTfool: YOU'RE A BITCH
pressSTARTfool: FUCKING HATE YOUR MOTHER FUCKING GUTS
ERiKERRR: yay! =D
pressSTARTfool: did it work?
ERiKERRR: no
pressSTARTfool: oh
pressSTARTfool: hahah
ERiKERRR: wait ..
ERiKERRR: i think so
pressSTARTfool: then i'm really really sorry
ERiKERRR: OMG
ERiKERRR: YAY
ERiKERRR: THANK YOU
insecurites rising.
i mean, i can see where you're coming from.
you can't trust him with me.
and i see why. but you're insecure.
you don't have to control him.
it's unfair for him.
but if i were you, i guess i wouldn't trust him either.
he needs to get his head straight, he has to know what he wants.
i'm sorry if i'm causing trouble for you guys- i'm trying not to talk to him much so something bad won't happen. but apparently i'm already causing trouble.
i'm sorry.
you can't trust him with me.
and i see why. but you're insecure.
you don't have to control him.
it's unfair for him.
but if i were you, i guess i wouldn't trust him either.
he needs to get his head straight, he has to know what he wants.
i'm sorry if i'm causing trouble for you guys- i'm trying not to talk to him much so something bad won't happen. but apparently i'm already causing trouble.
i'm sorry.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
MY BIKE WAS STOLEN.
FUHMYLIFE.
why am i so stupid.
my beautiful red bike :[
from tokyo :[
edit: my parents are freaking out about my stolen bike more than i am.
yeah, i'm not that upset about it. even thoug it was a one of a kind bike here in the u.s., it's a really common bike in tokyo.
i guess it was stolen cause it hasn't been seen around in a while, and not a lot of bikes look like that.
plus, it probably made the thief happy.
and one of my goals in life was to make people smile, LOL.
why am i so stupid.
my beautiful red bike :[
from tokyo :[
edit: my parents are freaking out about my stolen bike more than i am.
yeah, i'm not that upset about it. even thoug it was a one of a kind bike here in the u.s., it's a really common bike in tokyo.
i guess it was stolen cause it hasn't been seen around in a while, and not a lot of bikes look like that.
plus, it probably made the thief happy.
and one of my goals in life was to make people smile, LOL.
its frusterating
we're still young. we can't always stick to our words.
we want things- but we can't always make them happen whenever we want them to.
life isn't meant to be easy.
some reasons aren't meant to be explained.
some things aren't even meant to have an explanation.
it is hard to believe things that have happened, but you've gotta take it in some day, in some way.
the simplest of plans can always be changed, by a single event, a simple choice that could seem meaningless, but will have an effect in some way.
we want things- but we can't always make them happen whenever we want them to.
life isn't meant to be easy.
some reasons aren't meant to be explained.
some things aren't even meant to have an explanation.
it is hard to believe things that have happened, but you've gotta take it in some day, in some way.
the simplest of plans can always be changed, by a single event, a simple choice that could seem meaningless, but will have an effect in some way.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
the scent
of weed is still in my nose. thanks a lot , stupid people at warped tour D:
click picture to enlarge
click picture to enlarge
WARPED TOUR.
tonetti picked me up around 1130ish and we were off to the virginia beach ampitheater! i went with kevin to buy his ticket, and all we saw were sceeene kids and people with mohawks. i saw the weirdest peircings and the most ridiculous tattoos.
we met up with michael,ronnie,fergie. i think thats it. then we headed over to the KIA tent where we got air brushed tattoos, made a 20 second video, and got free vip passes to the main stage. while we were in line for the tattoos, nghia, andrew, kim, and jc met us up. andrew, kim, jc, fergie left with michael ronnie and tonetti after they made their video. me and fergie tried getting into their video but they pushed us out. i made a video with nghia. all i said was NGHIA IS A CAVEMAN.
after that me and nghia saw jor and his friends and we went to the main stage with them where chiodos was performing. i saw laurence! i also saw myles, and he let me sit on his shoulders through two of their songs. scott was there too. after that i went on the main stage vip place with nghia and ariane, the view from there was really really nice. while all time low started their first song, i went to look for rochelle with nghia.
rochelle and i met up with andrew, marlon, and jc at the hurley stage where saosin was performing. the guy in front of us was smoking weed, that was horrible. their first song was seven years. it was funny being with marlon cause he was screaming most of the time. they played some songs off of their new album, and marlon was like wtf is this!? they played you're not alone, and that was my favorite song they performed because the entire crowd was singing along and it was just magical. they said they were going to perform two more songs after that but they only performed one so everyone was pissed. oh yeah, someone threw a water bottle at marlon when he was screaming, hahah.
we made our way back to the main stage vip place and sat in the blazing sun, and underoath was performing. i dont think theyre that great live, aha. we looked at some merchandise, walked around.me, jc, and marlon bought fueled by ramen shirts, only cause they were 5 bucks and looked coool. michael, tonetti, ronnie, jimmy , jor were waiting in line for the meg and dia signing androchelle, jc, kim, fergie, daniel and i just waited. then we took pictures with me, dia, carlo, and the drummer guy haha. after that, me and rochelle got lost.
then we went to the ampitheater to watch this one band, the senses fail. honestly, senses fail wasn't that great. after that, rochelle and i bought bracelets, and she got a bbycakes shirt! ive always wanted one, but i was running out of cash after buying drinks, which were hella expensive. the british chick who was the vendor like my shirt, hehe. while walking back to the apitheater, we were mobbed by bands who were trying to get their music out. me and rochelle promised one band we'd come back, and that band was sparks will fly. they were the nicest and sweetest band out of the others. we went back to the ampitheater and sat down for a bit before meg and dia performed. i forgot who performed for them but i saw haleybob! and lizzy! oh yeah, before that i saw sam bowman, angelo, and brandon day! sam bowman reminds me of brandon day a lot, haah. then we went up to the stage with everyone for meg & dia. the whole time i was moving around and swaying, not a lot of people were doing that though, but oh well. they first did black wedding, are there giants too in the dance, what if, MONSTER- which was my favorite song they performed cause its my favorite meg and dia song and the whole crowd up there was singing along and i was moving a lot more, another song i forgot, and another song of which i forgot.
after that we just followed jc and them. we sat down by the hurley stage for a bit and me and rochelle decided to buy more stuff. she bought a shirt for patrick and we bought the sparks will fly ep. then we saw marlon, tonetti, and michael. we were walking back to the ampitheater and michael left .
at the ampitheater, forever the sickest kids were playing. tonetti and marlon left after being in the crowd . rochelle's friend was crowd surfing and she lost her phone so rochelle had to help her find it. so i was left alone, people watching. but it was alright. it was about time to go - i was gonna go with rochelle and her friend, christelle.
i didn't go home with them because the person who brought them there was wasted and she was going to drive - without a permit or license. shes only 14. so haaaail no i did not trust her, i didnt even know her. so everyone else left, i assumed my parents were out so i decided to call kirby, he was the first one that popped into my head. and he did drop us off. before dropping me off, we had a very very brief conversation.
when i got home i took a shower, and now i am recapping my day and my feet and toes and legs and knees hurt. i really hope my mother does not wake me up tomorrow.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY EXPERIENCE AT WARPED TOUR:
-BRING YOUR OWN FOOD AND WATER. LOTS OF WATER.
-it's handy to bring a tote bag, so you or your friends dont have to carry stuff around.
-wearing hi tops was a very good idea because the ground had loose dirt and rocks.
-you cannot be by yourself.
-be sure to have someone reliable drive you home- legally.
-it's nice to have a tall friend who would let you ride on their shoulder.
my first experience at warped tour was nice, except for the end but it's okay! i hope the line up is better next year, then i'll surely go.
we met up with michael,ronnie,fergie. i think thats it. then we headed over to the KIA tent where we got air brushed tattoos, made a 20 second video, and got free vip passes to the main stage. while we were in line for the tattoos, nghia, andrew, kim, and jc met us up. andrew, kim, jc, fergie left with michael ronnie and tonetti after they made their video. me and fergie tried getting into their video but they pushed us out. i made a video with nghia. all i said was NGHIA IS A CAVEMAN.
after that me and nghia saw jor and his friends and we went to the main stage with them where chiodos was performing. i saw laurence! i also saw myles, and he let me sit on his shoulders through two of their songs. scott was there too. after that i went on the main stage vip place with nghia and ariane, the view from there was really really nice. while all time low started their first song, i went to look for rochelle with nghia.
rochelle and i met up with andrew, marlon, and jc at the hurley stage where saosin was performing. the guy in front of us was smoking weed, that was horrible. their first song was seven years. it was funny being with marlon cause he was screaming most of the time. they played some songs off of their new album, and marlon was like wtf is this!? they played you're not alone, and that was my favorite song they performed because the entire crowd was singing along and it was just magical. they said they were going to perform two more songs after that but they only performed one so everyone was pissed. oh yeah, someone threw a water bottle at marlon when he was screaming, hahah.
we made our way back to the main stage vip place and sat in the blazing sun, and underoath was performing. i dont think theyre that great live, aha. we looked at some merchandise, walked around.me, jc, and marlon bought fueled by ramen shirts, only cause they were 5 bucks and looked coool. michael, tonetti, ronnie, jimmy , jor were waiting in line for the meg and dia signing androchelle, jc, kim, fergie, daniel and i just waited. then we took pictures with me, dia, carlo, and the drummer guy haha. after that, me and rochelle got lost.
then we went to the ampitheater to watch this one band, the senses fail. honestly, senses fail wasn't that great. after that, rochelle and i bought bracelets, and she got a bbycakes shirt! ive always wanted one, but i was running out of cash after buying drinks, which were hella expensive. the british chick who was the vendor like my shirt, hehe. while walking back to the apitheater, we were mobbed by bands who were trying to get their music out. me and rochelle promised one band we'd come back, and that band was sparks will fly. they were the nicest and sweetest band out of the others. we went back to the ampitheater and sat down for a bit before meg and dia performed. i forgot who performed for them but i saw haleybob! and lizzy! oh yeah, before that i saw sam bowman, angelo, and brandon day! sam bowman reminds me of brandon day a lot, haah. then we went up to the stage with everyone for meg & dia. the whole time i was moving around and swaying, not a lot of people were doing that though, but oh well. they first did black wedding, are there giants too in the dance, what if, MONSTER- which was my favorite song they performed cause its my favorite meg and dia song and the whole crowd up there was singing along and i was moving a lot more, another song i forgot, and another song of which i forgot.
after that we just followed jc and them. we sat down by the hurley stage for a bit and me and rochelle decided to buy more stuff. she bought a shirt for patrick and we bought the sparks will fly ep. then we saw marlon, tonetti, and michael. we were walking back to the ampitheater and michael left .
at the ampitheater, forever the sickest kids were playing. tonetti and marlon left after being in the crowd . rochelle's friend was crowd surfing and she lost her phone so rochelle had to help her find it. so i was left alone, people watching. but it was alright. it was about time to go - i was gonna go with rochelle and her friend, christelle.
i didn't go home with them because the person who brought them there was wasted and she was going to drive - without a permit or license. shes only 14. so haaaail no i did not trust her, i didnt even know her. so everyone else left, i assumed my parents were out so i decided to call kirby, he was the first one that popped into my head. and he did drop us off. before dropping me off, we had a very very brief conversation.
when i got home i took a shower, and now i am recapping my day and my feet and toes and legs and knees hurt. i really hope my mother does not wake me up tomorrow.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY EXPERIENCE AT WARPED TOUR:
-BRING YOUR OWN FOOD AND WATER. LOTS OF WATER.
-it's handy to bring a tote bag, so you or your friends dont have to carry stuff around.
-wearing hi tops was a very good idea because the ground had loose dirt and rocks.
-you cannot be by yourself.
-be sure to have someone reliable drive you home- legally.
-it's nice to have a tall friend who would let you ride on their shoulder.
my first experience at warped tour was nice, except for the end but it's okay! i hope the line up is better next year, then i'll surely go.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
my human tissue.
you are an extension of my conscience.
you don't necessarily teach me right from wrong, but you seperate the two clearly. you put me back in line, or rather help me get back in line. honestly, you are like a mother to me. you take care of me. sometimes it's like you discipline me, you make me realize the things that i did wrong, you scold me, but i need it. you are the most beautiful person i have ever met, inside and outside. You have a great heart. you still stand by me, even when i dissapoint you, even when i think you don't want to be there for me anymore. i have the strongest bond with you. i don't have to ask you to never ever leave me, because i know you won't. and i won't leave you either.
i can't wait till we have cute babies and take pictures of them together, let them sleepover, and take them on trips together.
you don't necessarily teach me right from wrong, but you seperate the two clearly. you put me back in line, or rather help me get back in line. honestly, you are like a mother to me. you take care of me. sometimes it's like you discipline me, you make me realize the things that i did wrong, you scold me, but i need it. you are the most beautiful person i have ever met, inside and outside. You have a great heart. you still stand by me, even when i dissapoint you, even when i think you don't want to be there for me anymore. i have the strongest bond with you. i don't have to ask you to never ever leave me, because i know you won't. and i won't leave you either.
i can't wait till we have cute babies and take pictures of them together, let them sleepover, and take them on trips together.
time to learn!
My parachute didn't open
And when my back up failed
The pixie dust prevailed
And I woke up next to you
All I wanted was to hold you
I was born in a city
However small
It held a hospital
For location where I came into being
It was all downhill from there
What do you do
When your lifes a disaster
And you're moving faster
And it's getting harder to breathe
What do you say
To someone whose right but
You disagree
Even if it's the truth
I was told you are depressed
By a little bird
That was severly hurt
As it did not notice my window
It just flew wherever the wind blows
As it convulsed on the pavement
It whispered I am hated
Your genetic flaws
I said say it all
You can't decipher reflections from reality
But neither can I
I noticed neither can I
I noticed neither can I
I noticed neither can I
You are the circle
I am the square
I have the non cut
You have the cool hair
We both take showers
For almost an hour
But only once a week or two
What do you do
When your lifes a disater
And your moving faster
And it's getting harder to breathe
What do you say
To someone whose right but
You disagree
Even if it's the truth
my goodness, this is the cutest video
And when my back up failed
The pixie dust prevailed
And I woke up next to you
All I wanted was to hold you
I was born in a city
However small
It held a hospital
For location where I came into being
It was all downhill from there
What do you do
When your lifes a disaster
And you're moving faster
And it's getting harder to breathe
What do you say
To someone whose right but
You disagree
Even if it's the truth
I was told you are depressed
By a little bird
That was severly hurt
As it did not notice my window
It just flew wherever the wind blows
As it convulsed on the pavement
It whispered I am hated
Your genetic flaws
I said say it all
You can't decipher reflections from reality
But neither can I
I noticed neither can I
I noticed neither can I
I noticed neither can I
You are the circle
I am the square
I have the non cut
You have the cool hair
We both take showers
For almost an hour
But only once a week or two
What do you do
When your lifes a disater
And your moving faster
And it's getting harder to breathe
What do you say
To someone whose right but
You disagree
Even if it's the truth
my goodness, this is the cutest video
Monday, July 20, 2009
troodat.
God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To hurt you, to love you, to teach you, to break you, to turn you into the person you're supposed to be.
shredded tee
attempting: 
how to: http://childhoodflames.blogspot.com/2008/10/do-it-yourself-shredded-tee.html
how to: http://childhoodflames.blogspot.com/2008/10/do-it-yourself-shredded-tee.html
Sunday, July 19, 2009
strayed away
so i've noticed that i've kind of .. strayed away from my group of friends?
they don't hit me up anymore, and i don't see them that much. when i see them they're just like oh hey, hi.
they said they're used to me not being there anymore, they're used to me being with kirby or with his friends.
and yeah, i have been hanging around the ltown kids waaaaaaay more than the salem kids, but it's alright.
the salem kids are TOTALLY different from ltown.
when it comes to webcamming..
salem: tokbox ltown: stickam
when it comes to blogging..
salem: tumblr ltown: blogspot
when it comes to music..
salem: they put the same songs on repeat, and it's like that for months and it's so freaking annoying. everyone learns that song too just because everyone else knows it! oh aaaand. they find "new" songs and artists really really really late.
ltown: i hear new things from them, haha.
i dunno. i kinda like this break from them. but at the same time i doooo miss them. why am i complaining! i should hit them up! but i was just comparing and contrasting. maybe it's cause i didn't attend symposium.. they've created a clique with yfamd.
whatever. haha. maan i wish i got my permit when i was supposed to. OH HAAY LINE DANCING TOMORROW AT PCC 7-9! YOU SHOULD GO! =D
edit: oh, just kidding. i haven't strayed away, they're just not doing shiet. HAHA.
they don't hit me up anymore, and i don't see them that much. when i see them they're just like oh hey, hi.
they said they're used to me not being there anymore, they're used to me being with kirby or with his friends.
and yeah, i have been hanging around the ltown kids waaaaaaay more than the salem kids, but it's alright.
the salem kids are TOTALLY different from ltown.
when it comes to webcamming..
salem: tokbox ltown: stickam
when it comes to blogging..
salem: tumblr ltown: blogspot
when it comes to music..
salem: they put the same songs on repeat, and it's like that for months and it's so freaking annoying. everyone learns that song too just because everyone else knows it! oh aaaand. they find "new" songs and artists really really really late.
ltown: i hear new things from them, haha.
i dunno. i kinda like this break from them. but at the same time i doooo miss them. why am i complaining! i should hit them up! but i was just comparing and contrasting. maybe it's cause i didn't attend symposium.. they've created a clique with yfamd.
whatever. haha. maan i wish i got my permit when i was supposed to. OH HAAY LINE DANCING TOMORROW AT PCC 7-9! YOU SHOULD GO! =D
edit: oh, just kidding. i haven't strayed away, they're just not doing shiet. HAHA.
thanks.
i should really, probably get to sleep right now because its 4:26 am buuuut, oh well! Hm. I like talking to people through blogs..
Thanks for staying up with me. I really like talking to you, especially late at night. It's funny, how we always try to wake up at the same time. I think you're really funny and interesting to talk to. You're good at cheering me up. "Everytime you cry, a cat gets run over. Oh no, a cat just got rabies and died. To make this interesting, bunnies will die everytime you cry."
I will always keep that in mind now. Even though you told me I can call you when I can't sleep, I don't really feel like bothering you, so I just wrote this, haha. I can't wait to go to Sea World with you and have our day where we wake up, let go of 99 balloons and watch them fly away, have breakfast at "danny's", go to seaworld, see shamu and manta rays, make sushi for lunch cause we're better than emeril, play basketball with patrick chewing, go line dancing, have dinner at olive garden, set up camp, and watch comets fly by. THEN GO TO HARRY POTTER WORLD!!
You also make me smile. Thanks for being there. Hugabugabuh.
---
Ten minutes later ..
I'm still not sleepy.
Thanks for staying up with me. I really like talking to you, especially late at night. It's funny, how we always try to wake up at the same time. I think you're really funny and interesting to talk to. You're good at cheering me up. "Everytime you cry, a cat gets run over. Oh no, a cat just got rabies and died. To make this interesting, bunnies will die everytime you cry."
I will always keep that in mind now. Even though you told me I can call you when I can't sleep, I don't really feel like bothering you, so I just wrote this, haha. I can't wait to go to Sea World with you and have our day where we wake up, let go of 99 balloons and watch them fly away, have breakfast at "danny's", go to seaworld, see shamu and manta rays, make sushi for lunch cause we're better than emeril, play basketball with patrick chewing, go line dancing, have dinner at olive garden, set up camp, and watch comets fly by. THEN GO TO HARRY POTTER WORLD!!
You also make me smile. Thanks for being there. Hugabugabuh.
---
Ten minutes later ..
I'm still not sleepy.
If you pick up the pieces I�ll put them together
Only time can be the glue
Only time will let them dry
Only you and me inside my head
Time and time again
These talks turn to stone
These talks turn to stone
And when they dry we will be ready
Only time can keep your heard steady
On beat
On beat
We�ve been searching the sky for answers
Look to the stars so that I feel small
And my problems don�t seem so big
-----
time for yourself, time for me to prepare.
Only time can be the glue
Only time will let them dry
Only you and me inside my head
Time and time again
These talks turn to stone
These talks turn to stone
And when they dry we will be ready
Only time can keep your heard steady
On beat
On beat
We�ve been searching the sky for answers
Look to the stars so that I feel small
And my problems don�t seem so big
-----
time for yourself, time for me to prepare.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
ERROR OCCURS
gonna update ya'll with what we're tryna do.
We're currently making CHARITY SHIRTS for a charity dedicated to Multiple Sclerosis.
Yes, this is actually going down. A collection by Mr. Evan Hannah and I.
I'm really excited cause we're actually doing this. I think we're also getting $$ but I don't know what we're going to put it towards yet.
My dream job: I want to be a clothing vendor. Like Barrelman or Taglish Tees. I'd also like to have an online store.
check out these girls. They're 17 and they already have their own vintage clothing store : plasticskylines.com
- They sell hand picked vintage clothing, shoes, and accessories from thrift stores and even from their own closets.
There are a lot of sites like that, but I like this one more because it's more affordable, and peers run it!
There's another vintage online store i like : Spanish Moss (http://www.spanishmossvintage.com/)
Their pieces are sweet, but not as affordable :|
Anyway, I'd like to open up an online store where I also sell some vintage pieces, self-printed shirts, and some self made clothing. I'm pretty sure we could have that accomplished in at least a few years time.
Finally, after a year of fantasizing and getting people hyped only to let them down, this is actually coming true!
I'M HYPED.
Are you?
We're currently making CHARITY SHIRTS for a charity dedicated to Multiple Sclerosis.
Yes, this is actually going down. A collection by Mr. Evan Hannah and I.
I'm really excited cause we're actually doing this. I think we're also getting $$ but I don't know what we're going to put it towards yet.
My dream job: I want to be a clothing vendor. Like Barrelman or Taglish Tees. I'd also like to have an online store.
check out these girls. They're 17 and they already have their own vintage clothing store : plasticskylines.com
- They sell hand picked vintage clothing, shoes, and accessories from thrift stores and even from their own closets.
There are a lot of sites like that, but I like this one more because it's more affordable, and peers run it!
There's another vintage online store i like : Spanish Moss (http://www.spanishmossvintage.com/)
Their pieces are sweet, but not as affordable :|
Anyway, I'd like to open up an online store where I also sell some vintage pieces, self-printed shirts, and some self made clothing. I'm pretty sure we could have that accomplished in at least a few years time.
Finally, after a year of fantasizing and getting people hyped only to let them down, this is actually coming true!
I'M HYPED.
Are you?
everyone else is doing it.
i like talking to you.
---
when we started talking, we said we'd have a handshake when we first saw each other irl. that didn't happen.
---
we used to be best friends. what happened? why wont you talk to me irl D:
---
giiirl, they do not define us. HE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. It's so funny, how we're back to pretty much where we started. But it's okay, we're helping each other through this, and I'll always be here to help =]
---
do i still owe you a thong?
---
i hope you don't find out who the mystery man is.
---
i want to see harry potter with you, it's worth seeing it again. i'd probably cry at the same parts. and i want to hold your hand through the scary parts. i can't wait!
---
they ask why we're not together. i say, "it was for the best, but we're still good friends!" i really wish we were GOOD friends. i want to be your good friend, i really do.
---
thanks for helping me face reality. i can't believe i had a dream about you lolololol.
---
you're creepy. no wonder no one wants to be your friend.
---
i just have so much rage towards you and i don't even know you. you have the most annoying voice that the lawwd created.
---
rawr
sorry queenie, tyler, and darryl.
it seemed fun to do this haha
---
when we started talking, we said we'd have a handshake when we first saw each other irl. that didn't happen.
---
we used to be best friends. what happened? why wont you talk to me irl D:
---
giiirl, they do not define us. HE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. It's so funny, how we're back to pretty much where we started. But it's okay, we're helping each other through this, and I'll always be here to help =]
---
do i still owe you a thong?
---
i hope you don't find out who the mystery man is.
---
i want to see harry potter with you, it's worth seeing it again. i'd probably cry at the same parts. and i want to hold your hand through the scary parts. i can't wait!
---
they ask why we're not together. i say, "it was for the best, but we're still good friends!" i really wish we were GOOD friends. i want to be your good friend, i really do.
---
thanks for helping me face reality. i can't believe i had a dream about you lolololol.
---
you're creepy. no wonder no one wants to be your friend.
---
i just have so much rage towards you and i don't even know you. you have the most annoying voice that the lawwd created.
---
rawr
sorry queenie, tyler, and darryl.
it seemed fun to do this haha
i had a dream
that i could hold your hand, put my head on your shoulder, and you didn't mind. then you kissed me, for what seemed like the last time. while you kissed me you were trying to find something. you didn't find it, so you left.
it's funny, because that actually happened in real life. you tried to find it, but you didn't, so you left.
it's funny, because that actually happened in real life. you tried to find it, but you didn't, so you left.
Friday, July 17, 2009
trying to feel
so yesterday isiah picked me up around 2 something and we went to the mr. pogi pageant. i sat with sarah, kirsten, queenie and nghia and isiah were next to her. behind us were kyle, nesly, kirby, kim, marlon and daniel. i think
the first part was the interviews, eh they were okay haha.
oh yeah, the contestants were MARK CAASI! brandon catbagan! jesse ilao! von nguyen, colin![ i forgot his last name] and i feel like i'm missing someone .. oh well
for the college division it was tedrick, jaymark [what the eff man, HE'S IN MY GRADE.] this one dude, and gary from yfamd!
so it was the interviews, bathing suits, talents [which was the best part.] oh yeah jaymark got christian p. to dance for him, they just wore the same suit, hat, and mask. how retarded is that? anywayy. and thennn uhhm they walked around with their escorts and stuff then they got judged. mandy and arlene were escorts, they were soo gawwwjus!
well it wasn't worth $5.
afterwards i went to sonics with isiah, daniel, marlon, andrew, kim, kirby, nghia, kyle, ria and these other two chicks of whom i do not know. kirby sat next to me but he didnt say anything to me D:. oh well whateverr. andrew poured his milkshake over his face. it was disgusting yet funny at the same time. i got dropped off at home then went to wal mart with my mom and sister. after sonics, i was in a reeeeeaaalllyyy bad mood till later on at night.
darryl called me at 3 something and we talked for an hour. i called him back because i couldn't sleep, he fell asleep on me and my mind was still wandering but that's okay. it was nice talking to someone that late at night. i haven't done that in a really long time. we got off the phone around five, and the sun was already starting to rise. i was finally able to sleep.
i awoke again at 9, got ready and now im waiting for shiela to pick me up so we can watch harry potter with the girls! minus theresa D: and thenn ihop afterwards! i wonder what's in store for the rest of the day.
"it's okay. you'll get there. then i'll get there. then we'll both be asleep."
the first part was the interviews, eh they were okay haha.
oh yeah, the contestants were MARK CAASI! brandon catbagan! jesse ilao! von nguyen, colin![ i forgot his last name] and i feel like i'm missing someone .. oh well
for the college division it was tedrick, jaymark [what the eff man, HE'S IN MY GRADE.] this one dude, and gary from yfamd!
so it was the interviews, bathing suits, talents [which was the best part.] oh yeah jaymark got christian p. to dance for him, they just wore the same suit, hat, and mask. how retarded is that? anywayy. and thennn uhhm they walked around with their escorts and stuff then they got judged. mandy and arlene were escorts, they were soo gawwwjus!
well it wasn't worth $5.
afterwards i went to sonics with isiah, daniel, marlon, andrew, kim, kirby, nghia, kyle, ria and these other two chicks of whom i do not know. kirby sat next to me but he didnt say anything to me D:. oh well whateverr. andrew poured his milkshake over his face. it was disgusting yet funny at the same time. i got dropped off at home then went to wal mart with my mom and sister. after sonics, i was in a reeeeeaaalllyyy bad mood till later on at night.
darryl called me at 3 something and we talked for an hour. i called him back because i couldn't sleep, he fell asleep on me and my mind was still wandering but that's okay. it was nice talking to someone that late at night. i haven't done that in a really long time. we got off the phone around five, and the sun was already starting to rise. i was finally able to sleep.
i awoke again at 9, got ready and now im waiting for shiela to pick me up so we can watch harry potter with the girls! minus theresa D: and thenn ihop afterwards! i wonder what's in store for the rest of the day.
"it's okay. you'll get there. then i'll get there. then we'll both be asleep."
Thursday, July 16, 2009
break down
e: It's okay to break down sometimes
e: You're not superman
e: No one expects you to be strong all the time, always.
e: I know, these are the moments we try to avoid. We tell ourselves not to cry so we don't feel like this. But even when we don't cry, we're still sad. It's not good to bottle it up.
e: if we bottle it up, breakdowns will be worse than they are now
____________________
e: I know it's a weird way to think for us, but other people say
e: that there are soul mates, but for specific times
we can't fight it all the time.
e: You're not superman
e: No one expects you to be strong all the time, always.
e: I know, these are the moments we try to avoid. We tell ourselves not to cry so we don't feel like this. But even when we don't cry, we're still sad. It's not good to bottle it up.
e: if we bottle it up, breakdowns will be worse than they are now
____________________
e: I know it's a weird way to think for us, but other people say
e: that there are soul mates, but for specific times
we can't fight it all the time.
it's true.
i overthink.
i jump to conclusions.
i try to analyze some more.
i overthink!
and theeen. i ask questions. i get the answer and then i am calm. man, i really wish i didn't think so much.
and another thing- i need to change.
it seems as if i need someone with me to be myself. which means, i am never myself without that person by my side. which also means i am quiet without them, causing me to be left by myself, feeling alone when there are a lot of people around me. which causes me to think about things that shouldn't even be thought of!therefore jumping to conclusions.
i NEED to be my own person, i shouldn't have to need anybody! it always seems that way when i'm with that particular group i was with today. i only like being around them because they're different. they're differen't but not as home-ey and as warming as my group.i like them because when something gets introduced to them, they keep it cool & it doesn't become annoying. they're fun. and refreshing. but i'm ALWAYS always quiet around them, even when i was with kirby. i duuno why. i only usually talk when someone talks to me. hm but anywayyy.
no more jumping conclusions for me! i don't want to make him mad, again.
where was i going with this..
i jump to conclusions.
i try to analyze some more.
i overthink!
and theeen. i ask questions. i get the answer and then i am calm. man, i really wish i didn't think so much.
and another thing- i need to change.
it seems as if i need someone with me to be myself. which means, i am never myself without that person by my side. which also means i am quiet without them, causing me to be left by myself, feeling alone when there are a lot of people around me. which causes me to think about things that shouldn't even be thought of!therefore jumping to conclusions.
i NEED to be my own person, i shouldn't have to need anybody! it always seems that way when i'm with that particular group i was with today. i only like being around them because they're different. they're differen't but not as home-ey and as warming as my group.i like them because when something gets introduced to them, they keep it cool & it doesn't become annoying. they're fun. and refreshing. but i'm ALWAYS always quiet around them, even when i was with kirby. i duuno why. i only usually talk when someone talks to me. hm but anywayyy.
no more jumping conclusions for me! i don't want to make him mad, again.
where was i going with this..
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
OKAAAY OKAY , i must admit
that i am stupid
and selfish
and wrong
i was pushing all i know away from me.
i got it back
I know now.
and selfish
and wrong
i was pushing all i know away from me.
i got it back
I know now.
NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY CHEST.
i always find myself extremely jealous of those who have gone further than us.
but expectations bring you down. so no more jealousy.
i cant keep thinking about how things have changed.
i can't dwell on it.
l: Sitting there and dwelling about it won't do anything.
l: And it ends up eating away at you a lot.
l: So even if you guys officially part ways or get back together, just stay optimistic.
l: Sitting there and dwelling about it won't do anything.
l: And it ends up eating away at you a lot.
l: So even if you guys officially part ways or get back together, just stay optimistic.
i feel better.
but expectations bring you down. so no more jealousy.
i cant keep thinking about how things have changed.
i can't dwell on it.
l: Sitting there and dwelling about it won't do anything.
l: And it ends up eating away at you a lot.
l: So even if you guys officially part ways or get back together, just stay optimistic.
l: Sitting there and dwelling about it won't do anything.
l: And it ends up eating away at you a lot.
l: So even if you guys officially part ways or get back together, just stay optimistic.
i feel better.
i shudder
because you feel empty, and i don't.
unrequited, as i suspected.
i hold my breath.
i'm liking you all over again. i get nervous when i talk to you and see you. my palms and everything of me gets sweaty.
will it always be this way?
i'm still not going anywhere.
i will continue floating on the waves while you ride those waves.
unrequited, as i suspected.
i hold my breath.
i'm liking you all over again. i get nervous when i talk to you and see you. my palms and everything of me gets sweaty.
will it always be this way?
i'm still not going anywhere.
i will continue floating on the waves while you ride those waves.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
from david berman,
on INSURGENCY'S blog. (insurgency-inc.blogspot.com)
"If you were cool in high school
you didn't ask too many questions.
You could tell who'd been to last night's
big metal concert by the new t-shirts in the hallway.
You didn't have to ask
and that's what cool was:
the ability to deduct
to know without asking.
And the pressure to simulate coolness
means not asking when you don't know,
which is why kids grow ever more stupid."
"If you were cool in high school
you didn't ask too many questions.
You could tell who'd been to last night's
big metal concert by the new t-shirts in the hallway.
You didn't have to ask
and that's what cool was:
the ability to deduct
to know without asking.
And the pressure to simulate coolness
means not asking when you don't know,
which is why kids grow ever more stupid."
i sort of have a thing for bunnies right now
from an editorial featured in HAWKEYE.(hawkyeye-citizenla.com)
laaaast day of freeeedom!
but HAAAAAY, it was worth it!
i woke up at 8:39 and talked to dayroll, went back to sleep arooound 9:15 and woke up again around 12. an hour or later eric picked me up and we went to croatan with kevin ellorin, mark c, victor, and mandy! as sooooon as we stepped onto the beach we were like "I don't like it here."
1. too crowded
2. ugly sand
3. dominately white and they were darker than me!
the water was pretty though.
we went in the water and it was okaaay, i spent the majority of the time body boarding, well more like floating on the board. we were really far in where there weren't much waves so it was really relaxing. before we went on the deeper end, i made a new friend named daniel. he was probbaly about 11. he was always like I LOVE THE FREAKIN BEACH. THERES JUST WAVE AFTER FREAKIN WAVE. I LOVE THE FREAKIN BEACH. and i was like "I love the beach too, yo!"
after being in the water we made sand boobs on kevin and the nipples were really really long. and mandy had a penis. it was nooiiice. we were there from like 2-5
after that victor dropped me and mandy off at sandbridge. i loooove sandbrige, mostly for the ride there. i love the loooong road, the beautiful houses, and the smell of the long grass, and the sight of the sun peeking through the tall trees, and the lotus pond.
me & mandy waited for about 10 minutes and we went on the beach to see if they were there but they werent, so we waited more. nghia came with james, isiah, kim, and daniel. we were collecting little teeny tiny clams then we were digging holes.
kim found a crab! one of those BIIIG crabs. nesly and nghia and daniel were playing with it and they put it in a cup they found in the trash can. nghia had a battle with it and it ended up pinching him, haha. then we buried mandy and daniel and kirby, tyler, ronnie, and marlon came! we went back in the water and i was body boarding with ronnie but i ended up being stranded for a while, waaay out and ronnie had to get me. we were trying to swim towards kirby and them but we werent getting anywhere so we had to let the waves get us there, haha.
i was pretty much floating on the waves the whole time. but it was nice, and reeeelaxing. the water there was much warmer than the water at croatan. shoot, i dont ever wanna go back here haha. but anyawyyy yeah, floating was noice. OH YEAH nghia held the crab to his nipple to see if it would pinch him, AND IT DID. HAHAHA IT WAS SO FUNNY, HE WAS BLEEDING. before we left, nesly and daniel and james were playing baseball with the crab using james's cane as a bat. nesly threw the LIVE crab up in the air, and hit it and it EXPLODED into pieces! everybody screamed. it was a sad sight.
well eeveryone washed up and i rode with nesly, james, isiah and mandy and we went to the wrong taco bell. everyone went to general booth and we went to lynnhaven. the best thing about being one of mandy's best friends is sharing food with her. i eat half of the burrito, she eats half of the chalupa and we switch. i eeat half of the taco and she eats half of the chalupa and we switch again.
we went to isiah's to pick up porkchops then i went home.
it was worth it cause i went beach hopping and ive never done that before. i got rub burns from body boarding, and i got to see him and hang out with him sorta as a friend! and i got to hug him too and i actually felt something there.
HEEE HEEE.
and darryl took this picture for me when he went to the zoo today, isn't it cute?
i woke up at 8:39 and talked to dayroll, went back to sleep arooound 9:15 and woke up again around 12. an hour or later eric picked me up and we went to croatan with kevin ellorin, mark c, victor, and mandy! as sooooon as we stepped onto the beach we were like "I don't like it here."
1. too crowded
2. ugly sand
3. dominately white and they were darker than me!
the water was pretty though.
we went in the water and it was okaaay, i spent the majority of the time body boarding, well more like floating on the board. we were really far in where there weren't much waves so it was really relaxing. before we went on the deeper end, i made a new friend named daniel. he was probbaly about 11. he was always like I LOVE THE FREAKIN BEACH. THERES JUST WAVE AFTER FREAKIN WAVE. I LOVE THE FREAKIN BEACH. and i was like "I love the beach too, yo!"
after being in the water we made sand boobs on kevin and the nipples were really really long. and mandy had a penis. it was nooiiice. we were there from like 2-5
after that victor dropped me and mandy off at sandbridge. i loooove sandbrige, mostly for the ride there. i love the loooong road, the beautiful houses, and the smell of the long grass, and the sight of the sun peeking through the tall trees, and the lotus pond.
me & mandy waited for about 10 minutes and we went on the beach to see if they were there but they werent, so we waited more. nghia came with james, isiah, kim, and daniel. we were collecting little teeny tiny clams then we were digging holes.
kim found a crab! one of those BIIIG crabs. nesly and nghia and daniel were playing with it and they put it in a cup they found in the trash can. nghia had a battle with it and it ended up pinching him, haha. then we buried mandy and daniel and kirby, tyler, ronnie, and marlon came! we went back in the water and i was body boarding with ronnie but i ended up being stranded for a while, waaay out and ronnie had to get me. we were trying to swim towards kirby and them but we werent getting anywhere so we had to let the waves get us there, haha.
i was pretty much floating on the waves the whole time. but it was nice, and reeeelaxing. the water there was much warmer than the water at croatan. shoot, i dont ever wanna go back here haha. but anyawyyy yeah, floating was noice. OH YEAH nghia held the crab to his nipple to see if it would pinch him, AND IT DID. HAHAHA IT WAS SO FUNNY, HE WAS BLEEDING. before we left, nesly and daniel and james were playing baseball with the crab using james's cane as a bat. nesly threw the LIVE crab up in the air, and hit it and it EXPLODED into pieces! everybody screamed. it was a sad sight.
well eeveryone washed up and i rode with nesly, james, isiah and mandy and we went to the wrong taco bell. everyone went to general booth and we went to lynnhaven. the best thing about being one of mandy's best friends is sharing food with her. i eat half of the burrito, she eats half of the chalupa and we switch. i eeat half of the taco and she eats half of the chalupa and we switch again.
we went to isiah's to pick up porkchops then i went home.
it was worth it cause i went beach hopping and ive never done that before. i got rub burns from body boarding, and i got to see him and hang out with him sorta as a friend! and i got to hug him too and i actually felt something there.
HEEE HEEE.
and darryl took this picture for me when he went to the zoo today, isn't it cute?
Monday, July 13, 2009
HAHAHA
really. its fun talking to you about how cute he is
<3333
R: DO YOU SEE THAT
l: OMFG
l: HAHAHAHAHHA
l: HE WAS SO CUTE
l: HAHAHAHAAHHA
R: FORREAL
R: HAHA
l: OMG
l: TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF AGAIN
l: YOU FOINE BOY
l: YOU
R: HAHAHAHAh
R: YEAAAH COME AWWWN
l: DID YOU SEE THAT
R: AHHHHh
l: HAHAHAHAHA
R: YEAH
R: HAHAHAHAh
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
l: YOU CAUGHT IT TOO
l: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
R: I DONT WANT TO STOP LOOKING
R: OMG
R: I THINK HE HAS A DIMPLE
l: HAHAHAHAHAHA
l: LMFAO
R: HAHAHAH
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
l: HES CUTE YO
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
R: IM ALL SWEATY NOW
R: THINKING ABOUT HOW CUTE HE IS
l: HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
l: IM SO WEAK
R: HAHAHAHAAH
R: AWW
R: LOOK
R: HAHA
R: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
R: HAHAHAHA
l: WHERE IS HE GOIN
l: WTF
l: NOOO!
l: HAHA
R: HAHAHAHA
l: AH YES
l: HES BACK
l: :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
R: YEAAAH
R: YESS
l: THIS IS GETTIN GOOD.
R: YEAH
l: HAHAHAHHA
R: this is actually fun
R: yess!
R: hahahahahaha
R: hahaha
l: omg. HES SO CUTE. Hahahah
R: in my dream he was a really good kisser HAHAHA
l: HAHAHAHHHAHHAA
l: OHMAAAAAAAAAAAAYN
R: hahahahaa
l: I know
l: I've read his blog
l: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
R: HAHAHAH
l: DONT ASK WHY
l: I just have
l: HAHAHA
l: xD
R: hahahahah
l: HAHAHAHAH
l: IT IS.
l: Even when he paused the camera
l: he's tho kute.
R: yeah!
R: hahahaha
l: Yeah
l: xD
l: I wish he'd do that again
l: *sigh
R: haha
R: yeah
R: *sighhhhhh =[
l: DID YOU SEE WHEN HE SCRATCHED HIMSELF?
l: He looked cute
l: HAHA
<3333
R: DO YOU SEE THAT
l: OMFG
l: HAHAHAHAHHA
l: HE WAS SO CUTE
l: HAHAHAHAAHHA
R: FORREAL
R: HAHA
l: OMG
l: TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF AGAIN
l: YOU FOINE BOY
l: YOU
R: HAHAHAHAh
R: YEAAAH COME AWWWN
l: DID YOU SEE THAT
R: AHHHHh
l: HAHAHAHAHA
R: YEAH
R: HAHAHAHAh
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
l: YOU CAUGHT IT TOO
l: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
R: I DONT WANT TO STOP LOOKING
R: OMG
R: I THINK HE HAS A DIMPLE
l: HAHAHAHAHAHA
l: LMFAO
R: HAHAHAH
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
l: HES CUTE YO
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
R: IM ALL SWEATY NOW
R: THINKING ABOUT HOW CUTE HE IS
l: HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA
l: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
l: IM SO WEAK
R: HAHAHAHAAH
R: AWW
R: LOOK
R: HAHA
R: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
R: HAHAHAHA
l: WHERE IS HE GOIN
l: WTF
l: NOOO!
l: HAHA
R: HAHAHAHA
l: AH YES
l: HES BACK
l: :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
R: YEAAAH
R: YESS
l: THIS IS GETTIN GOOD.
R: YEAH
l: HAHAHAHHA
R: this is actually fun
R: yess!
R: hahahahahaha
R: hahaha
l: omg. HES SO CUTE. Hahahah
R: in my dream he was a really good kisser HAHAHA
l: HAHAHAHHHAHHAA
l: OHMAAAAAAAAAAAAYN
R: hahahahaa
l: I know
l: I've read his blog
l: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
R: HAHAHAH
l: DONT ASK WHY
l: I just have
l: HAHAHA
l: xD
R: hahahahah
l: HAHAHAHAH
l: IT IS.
l: Even when he paused the camera
l: he's tho kute.
R: yeah!
R: hahahaha
l: Yeah
l: xD
l: I wish he'd do that again
l: *sigh
R: haha
R: yeah
R: *sighhhhhh =[
l: DID YOU SEE WHEN HE SCRATCHED HIMSELF?
l: He looked cute
l: HAHA
Sunday, July 12, 2009
soiled the name red leader, tire swings
soiled the name red leader:
so yesterday theresa picked me up and we went to angie's arounddddd 6ish? ate, and played volleyball with theresa, ate nikki, and angie. then everyone else came! everyone else as in: shiela, jessa, helena, harry, elspeth, chelsea, aurora , ryan.
then AD came and we left for laser quest!
i rode with JP, theresa, harry, chelsea, elspeth, & aurora. the ride was crazy because JP kept swerving around and stuff.
anywayyyy. the whole gang got there and we met up with mandy, kevin, patrick c, & johnny. i teamed up with kevin, mandy, and johnny and i was suupposed to team up with patrick but he betrayed us ALL by shooting us. half of the time i was with johnny and the other half i was with kevin. being alone in there is scary! anyway, it was fun running around and shooting ... even though i only shot ten people =[. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my codename was red leader, only cause darryl told me to. and besides, i couldn't think of a cooler name by myself.
THE RESULTS: I came in LAAAAAAAAAAAST & soiled the name red leader, i dont even know what the name really means, but darryl said i spoiled the name.
after that, we all (minus patrick)went back to angie's house and ate. we sang happy birthday to aurora! then i played card games with the ellorin cousins while mandy plucked johnnny and kevin's eyebrows. soon after that, theresa dropped me and mandy off at my house and mandy slept over. it was supposed to be our first night without a boy to talk to on the phone. buuuuuuuuut. :|oh well hahah. ended up sleeping around 4. first time slumber partying on stickam, haha.
tire swings:
woke up arouuuuuund 9ish and ate breakfast. got ready & when we left we dropped mandy off at christian m's. went to church. isn't it sad that i get REALLY sleepy during the homily and right after, like the second the homily is over, i am wide awake. anyway, after church we went to pho 78 and jt was there. after that they dropped me off at christian's and he gave me and mandy a ride to christian b's birthday party! haha
it was a little boring at first. me & mandy were so tired from the lack of sleep so we took a nap with nesly on christian's bed. more people came after we awoke! the nap was really refreshing, even if it wasn't even an hour long. michael was there! he broke out of prison! and then we all gathered in the hallway. isiah, johnny, nesly, mandy, jc, nghia, kim, andrew, kirby, marlon, michael, i think that's it. mandy drew faces on my toes. and nghia drew a dick on my toe =[ but he made it into a face. then we all went outside and i rode on kyle's scooter, teehee. then jc gave me a piggy back ride and nghia chased us. then we plus mandy and johnny walked to the park! it was nice swinging. then i went on the tire swing with mandy and it was fuuuuun hahaha. went back to the other swing and a cop came up to us asking if we saw a lady who needed help? that was weiird. me & johnny talked about going back to laser quest this week. when we do go back, I WILL NOT GET LAST PLACE.
i had to go home after that aaaand yeah that was my day.
so yesterday theresa picked me up and we went to angie's arounddddd 6ish? ate, and played volleyball with theresa, ate nikki, and angie. then everyone else came! everyone else as in: shiela, jessa, helena, harry, elspeth, chelsea, aurora , ryan.
then AD came and we left for laser quest!
i rode with JP, theresa, harry, chelsea, elspeth, & aurora. the ride was crazy because JP kept swerving around and stuff.
anywayyyy. the whole gang got there and we met up with mandy, kevin, patrick c, & johnny. i teamed up with kevin, mandy, and johnny and i was suupposed to team up with patrick but he betrayed us ALL by shooting us. half of the time i was with johnny and the other half i was with kevin. being alone in there is scary! anyway, it was fun running around and shooting ... even though i only shot ten people =[. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my codename was red leader, only cause darryl told me to. and besides, i couldn't think of a cooler name by myself.
THE RESULTS: I came in LAAAAAAAAAAAST & soiled the name red leader, i dont even know what the name really means, but darryl said i spoiled the name.
after that, we all (minus patrick)went back to angie's house and ate. we sang happy birthday to aurora! then i played card games with the ellorin cousins while mandy plucked johnnny and kevin's eyebrows. soon after that, theresa dropped me and mandy off at my house and mandy slept over. it was supposed to be our first night without a boy to talk to on the phone. buuuuuuuuut. :|oh well hahah. ended up sleeping around 4. first time slumber partying on stickam, haha.
tire swings:
woke up arouuuuuund 9ish and ate breakfast. got ready & when we left we dropped mandy off at christian m's. went to church. isn't it sad that i get REALLY sleepy during the homily and right after, like the second the homily is over, i am wide awake. anyway, after church we went to pho 78 and jt was there. after that they dropped me off at christian's and he gave me and mandy a ride to christian b's birthday party! haha
it was a little boring at first. me & mandy were so tired from the lack of sleep so we took a nap with nesly on christian's bed. more people came after we awoke! the nap was really refreshing, even if it wasn't even an hour long. michael was there! he broke out of prison! and then we all gathered in the hallway. isiah, johnny, nesly, mandy, jc, nghia, kim, andrew, kirby, marlon, michael, i think that's it. mandy drew faces on my toes. and nghia drew a dick on my toe =[ but he made it into a face. then we all went outside and i rode on kyle's scooter, teehee. then jc gave me a piggy back ride and nghia chased us. then we plus mandy and johnny walked to the park! it was nice swinging. then i went on the tire swing with mandy and it was fuuuuun hahaha. went back to the other swing and a cop came up to us asking if we saw a lady who needed help? that was weiird. me & johnny talked about going back to laser quest this week. when we do go back, I WILL NOT GET LAST PLACE.
i had to go home after that aaaand yeah that was my day.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
myself
ll: Always remember, the most important person in your life is yourself.
ll: Whatever you do, it better be for yourself and not only for others.
ll: As selfish as it may seem,
ll: It's the truth. Haha.
ll: Cause really.
ll: If you're so busy trying to make everyone else happy and content
ll: There's always someone not happy.
ll: And that's yourself in the end.
ll: Whatever you do, it better be for yourself and not only for others.
ll: As selfish as it may seem,
ll: It's the truth. Haha.
ll: Cause really.
ll: If you're so busy trying to make everyone else happy and content
ll: There's always someone not happy.
ll: And that's yourself in the end.
Friday, July 10, 2009
cmb
anyyway.
today was bestfriendchristian's 16th birthdayyy. i wish his day was a little better, but at least i got to see him!
today was also rochelle's 14th birthday party and her brithday day is tomorrow. i must admit, last year was better because of the water balloons, but it's aiiiight. i made a new friend. his name is rhyder. he is funny. i learned some vietnamese. well, i only remember one phrase & it means SUCK IT. aaahaha
today was bestfriendchristian's 16th birthdayyy. i wish his day was a little better, but at least i got to see him!
today was also rochelle's 14th birthday party and her brithday day is tomorrow. i must admit, last year was better because of the water balloons, but it's aiiiight. i made a new friend. his name is rhyder. he is funny. i learned some vietnamese. well, i only remember one phrase & it means SUCK IT. aaahaha
Thursday, July 9, 2009
weird dreams all in one night.
i had a dream i wasat someone's house and i was watching this movie where this girl was crucified next to Jesus Christ. And he arms came off so her head+ torso were still attatched and she fell off the cross and started wriggling around and traveled around like a worm. It was gory & creepy. In the dream I was at a filipino party.
thenn
i was in a a race where there was a really strong guy and then you pretty much hang on to his arm (theres one person on each arm) and they have to run around and see who gets to the finish line.
The guy was king triton (with legs) and amelfa was on his other arm. & because he is all powerful, he ran around realllly fast.
thennn
i had a dream we were training for this war. & the war was fake ? idk. we fought against triton's crustacean army.
thennn
i had a dream that i was despeeeeeeeeerate for love so i kissed this werid guy & i was like I LOVE YOU then after i kissed him i was like NEVERMIND GTFO OF MY HOUSE.
yeah, that was really weird...
thenn
I HAD A DREAM THAT MY ROOM WAS CLEAN. & WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS LIKE D:.
the end.
thenn
i was in a a race where there was a really strong guy and then you pretty much hang on to his arm (theres one person on each arm) and they have to run around and see who gets to the finish line.
The guy was king triton (with legs) and amelfa was on his other arm. & because he is all powerful, he ran around realllly fast.
thennn
i had a dream we were training for this war. & the war was fake ? idk. we fought against triton's crustacean army.
thennn
i had a dream that i was despeeeeeeeeerate for love so i kissed this werid guy & i was like I LOVE YOU then after i kissed him i was like NEVERMIND GTFO OF MY HOUSE.
yeah, that was really weird...
thenn
I HAD A DREAM THAT MY ROOM WAS CLEAN. & WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS LIKE D:.
the end.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
this one's for darryl
lyrics= my first post, LOL
i'd like to thank darryl for helping me come up with my name.
here's a paragrah dedicated to you.
abcdefghijklmnop darryl
once upon a time darryl lived in utah
darryl's favorite color is light blue
darryl's shoe size is 9
the end
i'd like to thank darryl for helping me come up with my name.
here's a paragrah dedicated to you.
abcdefghijklmnop darryl
once upon a time darryl lived in utah
darryl's favorite color is light blue
darryl's shoe size is 9
the end
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
someone you used to know
It was helpless anyway
There's nothing much we could do or say
Darling don't you think it's a shame?
that it had to end this way
So here's to say goodbye,
our love is lost, and we cant figure why
maybe it really is about time
that we finally made up our minds
So Darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you
Soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
then i would slowly be
a distant memory
*Soon i'll just be
that someone you used to know
But darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
i hope you'll find your intended
But i'm sorry
that your intended isn't me
it's not an easy thing
to shake off our history
i know that's what you want from me
but they will always stay with me
i admit i made mistakes
but darling with you it's just the same
if we stay there will be more to make
i dont know how much more we can take
Darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
but it doesn't mean i no longer care
but i'd feel like a burden you can't bear
wow failfailfailfail
today i took a walk with ira and just talked. we were trying to plan something, but all plans failed.we were trying to look for a ride to the beach. we went to my house for a bit, met up with veronica, went to ira's, went to veronica's with just veronica. played with her little bunny rabbits. went to the park. WAS ON MY WAY TO THE BEACH WITH IAN AND VERONICA. before we even hit dam neck ira called and said my sister called and said my mom was mad at me. so turned around and went home. FAIL. wanted to go to the beach all day, tried to find a ride, and when we finally found a ride, i had to go home!
i didn't really do much today.
highlight of my day: playing with veronica's baby bunnies.
blahhhhhhhh i wish my mother was more linient.
i didn't really do much today.
highlight of my day: playing with veronica's baby bunnies.
blahhhhhhhh i wish my mother was more linient.
i miss you.
eye contact and a really big smile - a simple gesture of acknowledgement
really really really tight hugs- a way of saying "i missed you" and "i'm going to miss you."
i squeeze your hand - a way of saying "i love you."
you squeezing back, even harder- a way of saying "i will always love you."
your arms around my waist, and me pulling your arms tighter- a way of saying "i adore you." "don't let me go."
falling asleep on the phone- a way of showing that you don't want to be alone either.
a kiss- a way of saying/showing "i love you."
those are the gestures i will always, truly miss.
really really really tight hugs- a way of saying "i missed you" and "i'm going to miss you."
i squeeze your hand - a way of saying "i love you."
you squeezing back, even harder- a way of saying "i will always love you."
your arms around my waist, and me pulling your arms tighter- a way of saying "i adore you." "don't let me go."
falling asleep on the phone- a way of showing that you don't want to be alone either.
a kiss- a way of saying/showing "i love you."
those are the gestures i will always, truly miss.
Monday, July 6, 2009
all day i have been watching ..
how to reconstruct old shirts and this is the coolest one i've seen so far, and i'm totally trying this out!
egg mask!
my sister & i just tried this egg mask, where we basically put egg whites on our skin , wash it off, then put egg yolk, wash that off, and rub an ice cube on our face. the egg white is supposed to tighten up our pores & the egg yolk acts as a natrual moisturizer!
1. take an egg, rinse it, and separate the egg whites from the yolk and put each into seperate bowls.
2. take two fingers and dip them into the egg white bowl. spread all over your face.
3. let egg whites sit on your face until you literally cannot smile or move your face anymore. (if you feel that then you feel your pores tightening!)
4. rinse off with water and towel dry.
5. take two fingers and dip them into the egg yolk bowl. spread all over your face.
6. let egg yolk sit until you can't feel your face move.
7. rinse off with water and towel dry. (i really felt my face become smoother after this)
8. take an ice cube and rub it everywhere on your face so that your pores can re-open!
yaaay that's all! and if you dont want to waste all that egg, COOK IT because that's what my sister is doing right now hahahah.
my face feels REALLY really smooth and it smells like eggs, yum!
1. take an egg, rinse it, and separate the egg whites from the yolk and put each into seperate bowls.
2. take two fingers and dip them into the egg white bowl. spread all over your face.
3. let egg whites sit on your face until you literally cannot smile or move your face anymore. (if you feel that then you feel your pores tightening!)
4. rinse off with water and towel dry.
5. take two fingers and dip them into the egg yolk bowl. spread all over your face.
6. let egg yolk sit until you can't feel your face move.
7. rinse off with water and towel dry. (i really felt my face become smoother after this)
8. take an ice cube and rub it everywhere on your face so that your pores can re-open!
yaaay that's all! and if you dont want to waste all that egg, COOK IT because that's what my sister is doing right now hahahah.
my face feels REALLY really smooth and it smells like eggs, yum!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
jooly 4: parade, friends, family.
JOOLY 4:today is july fourth, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, my BEST FRIEND'S 16th BIRTHDAY! =]
PARADE: I awoke earlier than usual to get ready and get dropped off at Red Wing park where a FILIPINO-AMERICAN festival type thing was being celebrated. I was with the CFCY (Couples For Christ Youth) group and I got my shirt. While they were decorating the truck for the parade, I TOOK CARE OF CHAD HUGO'S ADORABLE NEPHEW, THEO. Theresa has the picture of me& him and i'll get that to you soon. He's so cute and so .. energetic. When I carried him in a weird way he scratched my thighs and stepped on my feet.
CFCY participated in the parade! We were singing "Sure Foundation" a song that we learned at camp. Gosh, camp was so fun. Anywayyy Melvin was playing the keyboard on the top of the pick up truck. We had to sing the song like 4 times or more, by the end of the parade my hands were so red from clapping, but it was nice.
Afterwards we went to our booth and just cheeled there for a while, then went to another booth with Ate Nicole and Theresa and got a borger and wataamelon. Did you know that Helena is allergic to wataamelons ? Anyway, hmm. After that Theresa and I walked around and stuff and found a lot of people we knew.
Friends:Seeing my friends was so refreshing. I was wrong to turn you guys away. I realize that I really needed you guys, and I'm glad you guys are back. I really missed you gaaaiz! Seeing all of you made me realize that I had more friends than I really thought I had, hahaha.
After the walking around, I watched the performances and I saw little Theo walking towards me and he told me he was looking everywhere for me! He's soo cute, he's only five. Before he came, I was complaining about how much I missed him haha. I only got to keep him for a while because his daddy(chad hugo's brothaa) was looking for him. I enjoyed the performances, especially Lil' Dark Mark and Blindfolded Journey cause I jumped around with Brandon C's youth. It was niiice. Afterwards I had to walk to the front of the park where the little garden is. Then walked to Ihop with my mom and sister so that my dad could pick us up -__-. Ideekay why, but it just happened.
Afterwards,,,,, I went home to get Theresa's present then I went to Theresa's!
Family:At first it was just Angie and JP and Theresa and I learned how to play Crackhouse! Fun fun card game. I lost the first round, but won three times after that! In a row! It was greaaat, haha. The rest of the gang came and we watched some of the third Pirates of the Caribbean and then went upsturs. Then we went outside or something. Walked around, hmm.
CAKE!
I really like how they combined four peoples birthday!
Instead of "basking in the glory of summer", i basked in the glory of "family."
Since I don't have any blood relatives around this here town, or anywhere near for that matter, I truly consider the ellorins + all their family, MY FAMILY. They are the closest I have to family. Theresa's cousins are like my cousins! We act like family anyway, and I just love it.
After eating TIRAMISU birthday cake, we went upsturs for a little then we went outside and soon enough it was darkk, and we watched the fireworks! And had popsicles! And played "Jiggalo" and the animal game! (which is like the signs game) And i taught everyone some chords of the ukulele!
ALL IN ALL, this was the BESSTTT day I had so far. I was way more positive than I usually am. Maybe cause I was surrounded by loving people, hehe. I also got to spend most of the day with my best fraaand, which was very nice. And it was the first time i participated in a parade! And I saw my friends! And my FAMILYYY! =]
Actually, best fourth of july. Last year i spent my fourth of july at busch gardens, very sad, with foot cramps so that sucked haha. AND IT RAINED. But the fireworks were "spectacular," my sister said.
WElllll, I can't wait till next year!
oh yeah, i forgot to mention; it was my very first time at the Fil-Am fest. And i enjoyed it haha
PARADE: I awoke earlier than usual to get ready and get dropped off at Red Wing park where a FILIPINO-AMERICAN festival type thing was being celebrated. I was with the CFCY (Couples For Christ Youth) group and I got my shirt. While they were decorating the truck for the parade, I TOOK CARE OF CHAD HUGO'S ADORABLE NEPHEW, THEO. Theresa has the picture of me& him and i'll get that to you soon. He's so cute and so .. energetic. When I carried him in a weird way he scratched my thighs and stepped on my feet.
CFCY participated in the parade! We were singing "Sure Foundation" a song that we learned at camp. Gosh, camp was so fun. Anywayyy Melvin was playing the keyboard on the top of the pick up truck. We had to sing the song like 4 times or more, by the end of the parade my hands were so red from clapping, but it was nice.
Afterwards we went to our booth and just cheeled there for a while, then went to another booth with Ate Nicole and Theresa and got a borger and wataamelon. Did you know that Helena is allergic to wataamelons ? Anyway, hmm. After that Theresa and I walked around and stuff and found a lot of people we knew.
Friends:Seeing my friends was so refreshing. I was wrong to turn you guys away. I realize that I really needed you guys, and I'm glad you guys are back. I really missed you gaaaiz! Seeing all of you made me realize that I had more friends than I really thought I had, hahaha.
After the walking around, I watched the performances and I saw little Theo walking towards me and he told me he was looking everywhere for me! He's soo cute, he's only five. Before he came, I was complaining about how much I missed him haha. I only got to keep him for a while because his daddy(chad hugo's brothaa) was looking for him. I enjoyed the performances, especially Lil' Dark Mark and Blindfolded Journey cause I jumped around with Brandon C's youth. It was niiice. Afterwards I had to walk to the front of the park where the little garden is. Then walked to Ihop with my mom and sister so that my dad could pick us up -__-. Ideekay why, but it just happened.
Afterwards,,,,, I went home to get Theresa's present then I went to Theresa's!
Family:At first it was just Angie and JP and Theresa and I learned how to play Crackhouse! Fun fun card game. I lost the first round, but won three times after that! In a row! It was greaaat, haha. The rest of the gang came and we watched some of the third Pirates of the Caribbean and then went upsturs. Then we went outside or something. Walked around, hmm.
CAKE!
I really like how they combined four peoples birthday!
Instead of "basking in the glory of summer", i basked in the glory of "family."
Since I don't have any blood relatives around this here town, or anywhere near for that matter, I truly consider the ellorins + all their family, MY FAMILY. They are the closest I have to family. Theresa's cousins are like my cousins! We act like family anyway, and I just love it.
After eating TIRAMISU birthday cake, we went upsturs for a little then we went outside and soon enough it was darkk, and we watched the fireworks! And had popsicles! And played "Jiggalo" and the animal game! (which is like the signs game) And i taught everyone some chords of the ukulele!
ALL IN ALL, this was the BESSTTT day I had so far. I was way more positive than I usually am. Maybe cause I was surrounded by loving people, hehe. I also got to spend most of the day with my best fraaand, which was very nice. And it was the first time i participated in a parade! And I saw my friends! And my FAMILYYY! =]
Actually, best fourth of july. Last year i spent my fourth of july at busch gardens, very sad, with foot cramps so that sucked haha. AND IT RAINED. But the fireworks were "spectacular," my sister said.
WElllll, I can't wait till next year!
oh yeah, i forgot to mention; it was my very first time at the Fil-Am fest. And i enjoyed it haha
it looks like you've seen happier days
compared to pictures of you before, youve just seem so much happier than now.
i knew that when i saw you, when you came here, i knew something was different. your eyes were different. they were sadder than before. but it was your soul's decision that made you that way. i hope your eyes become brighter; i hope your soul becomes happier.
i knew that when i saw you, when you came here, i knew something was different. your eyes were different. they were sadder than before. but it was your soul's decision that made you that way. i hope your eyes become brighter; i hope your soul becomes happier.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
it's always a roller coaster
i feel okay.
i feel fine.
i feel alright.
i feel okay.
i feel down.
i feel okay.
i feel fine.
i feel alright.
i'm okay.
i've been better.
i want to be better.
i want to do better.
so i have to do better.
for you.
i feel fine.
i feel alright.
i feel okay.
i feel down.
i feel okay.
i feel fine.
i feel alright.
i'm okay.
i've been better.
i want to be better.
i want to do better.
so i have to do better.
for you.
you cant DEFIIINE me
what we're going through has no definition.
it's not definite at all.
there's no knowing. theres only hope.
it's not definite at all.
there's no knowing. theres only hope.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
my hopes are so high
thanks to them, thanks to me.
it's so hard, trying not to let it get to me.
i keep thinking that there's a possiblility JUST BECAUSE everyone thinks so too.
in the front of my mind, i think of the possibility. in the back of my mind, i think of you being gone- forever, you not ever coming back.
and, i want to talk to you- so bad. just because i want to get somewhere like we did last night! i want it to always be like that. but i'm scared.. what if you don't want to talk to me? should i wait? that's why i said hi first last night .. it was just bugging me so much, i just had to get it over with. but we actually got somewhere. well, is us just staying where we are - no communication for now- moving forward?
i feel so much better when you're around .. when i talk to you. i want to know how you feel.
but hey, i'm getting used to this space. everyone is sure of that possibilty. i was ALMOST sure myself, but EXPECTATIONS BRING YOU DOWN. i guess that's why everything fell apart as well. i had a lot of expectations .. and you exceeded them without realizing. but the ones you weren't able to exceed right off the bat led you to the negativity. and i tried to change that, i tried to change you. i shouldn't have because that's a part of you. i can't do that anymore, not for anyone but myself. the only one i can TRY to change is myself.
i don't even knoww where i'm going with this.
i just want to talk to you, but i want to know that you want to talk to me first.
"don't TRY anything, just talk to talk."
it's so hard, trying not to let it get to me.
i keep thinking that there's a possiblility JUST BECAUSE everyone thinks so too.
in the front of my mind, i think of the possibility. in the back of my mind, i think of you being gone- forever, you not ever coming back.
and, i want to talk to you- so bad. just because i want to get somewhere like we did last night! i want it to always be like that. but i'm scared.. what if you don't want to talk to me? should i wait? that's why i said hi first last night .. it was just bugging me so much, i just had to get it over with. but we actually got somewhere. well, is us just staying where we are - no communication for now- moving forward?
i feel so much better when you're around .. when i talk to you. i want to know how you feel.
but hey, i'm getting used to this space. everyone is sure of that possibilty. i was ALMOST sure myself, but EXPECTATIONS BRING YOU DOWN. i guess that's why everything fell apart as well. i had a lot of expectations .. and you exceeded them without realizing. but the ones you weren't able to exceed right off the bat led you to the negativity. and i tried to change that, i tried to change you. i shouldn't have because that's a part of you. i can't do that anymore, not for anyone but myself. the only one i can TRY to change is myself.
i don't even knoww where i'm going with this.
i just want to talk to you, but i want to know that you want to talk to me first.
"don't TRY anything, just talk to talk."
open wounds- it's a start.
yesturdaay jc picked me up 20 minutes earlier than he was supposed to D:
we went to nghias then we picked up sarah and her friend kirsten. oh, i missed you sarah! then we went back to nghia's and kyle was theree. a little bit afterwards, we all headed to 82nd street where we met up with a lot of people! the sand was soo hot, i couldn't wait to get in the waterrr.
i've never been to that part of the beach before, and i must say it was really nice. the water was actually blue and not grey! haha the waves were kinda strong so most of the time i was holding on to jc, or nghia, or sarah because i can't swim very well and the waves were almost taller than me! i saw kirby; it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, hehehe. i worry too much! jc threw sand at sarah's bottom and i told him that those things are like an OPEN WOUND. jc wouldnt shut up about it though hahahahah.
afterwards me,nghia,jc,sarah,and kirsten went to ihops. i was a little down cause i heard "if i was a boy" which reminded me of a day .. April 4 to be exact, ahaha. how do i know the date? well the day after all this stuff happened, i changed my myspace status and i haven't changed it since!
i'm glad sarah was there, i wonder what it would have been like if she wasn't there haha.
well last night, oh man oh man oh man it was the first time we really talked as friends. that wasn't so bad either =] it's a start! i missed you!
this morning i woke up scratching my back, thinking it was cause of the sand cause i didn't shower after the beach. i showered and turns out its a sunburn! FML.
we went to nghias then we picked up sarah and her friend kirsten. oh, i missed you sarah! then we went back to nghia's and kyle was theree. a little bit afterwards, we all headed to 82nd street where we met up with a lot of people! the sand was soo hot, i couldn't wait to get in the waterrr.
i've never been to that part of the beach before, and i must say it was really nice. the water was actually blue and not grey! haha the waves were kinda strong so most of the time i was holding on to jc, or nghia, or sarah because i can't swim very well and the waves were almost taller than me! i saw kirby; it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, hehehe. i worry too much! jc threw sand at sarah's bottom and i told him that those things are like an OPEN WOUND. jc wouldnt shut up about it though hahahahah.
afterwards me,nghia,jc,sarah,and kirsten went to ihops. i was a little down cause i heard "if i was a boy" which reminded me of a day .. April 4 to be exact, ahaha. how do i know the date? well the day after all this stuff happened, i changed my myspace status and i haven't changed it since!
i'm glad sarah was there, i wonder what it would have been like if she wasn't there haha.
well last night, oh man oh man oh man it was the first time we really talked as friends. that wasn't so bad either =] it's a start! i missed you!
this morning i woke up scratching my back, thinking it was cause of the sand cause i didn't shower after the beach. i showered and turns out its a sunburn! FML.
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