it's been a month.

did you know that the really really cute orange furry alien thing on chicken little is named kirby?

anyway.
it's been a month. it doesn't seem so long ago even though a lot has happened during the course of a month. i mean, i can still remember that day, it's still clear and fresh in my mind.
once in a while i always try to replay that day in my mind, so i won't forget how he tried to make it less painless.
i will never ever ever ever forget how he sang "unforgettable" by nat king cole, and we slow danced, swaying together as the soothing hums filled my ears. i sobbed even harder- only because it was sweet and i'd know i'd miss him even more. it used to be so painful, remembering that exact moment when he took me in his arms and made us dance. it still is, not as much as it used to be though.

during those first two weeks, my friends told me they were proud of me for being optimisticxa. i didn't cry since that day, i didn't spend my days inside and crying my heart out, i didn't try getting him back. i was strong, i felt strong. and then i had a breakdown. i became weaker as he became stronger. and then i started to regain strength because of friends who helped me face reality

of course there will still be times where my heart aches, of course. i don't know where i would be right now if it weren't for God and my friends and a family who understands. Oh man, everytime my dad and i were alone, he'd give me talks about when he had girlfriends, and not what to do when i get into a future relationship, and reasons why he thought our relationship failed. he stopped doing that and thank goodness he did because it just made me feel worse and it was just really annoying.

i'm glad we were together and i'm glad we went through all the things did. he's impacted my life a lot, showed me how to live cause "you only live once", and just made me a more optimistic person.

WHATHAVEILEARNEDTHISMONTH?
-expectations bring you down
-God's love is bigger than any tradgedy in the world and we have to embrace It
-the only person you need to be strong for is yourself, only worry about yourself before you can worry about others
-sitting there and dwelling about what you want will just make you really sad and won't do anything to help
-it's okay to break down sometimes, youre not superman, no one expects you to be strong all the time.
-the longer we bottle up our feelings, the worse our breakdowns will be.
-theres no knowing, only hope.
-we must accept the things we cannot change.







it's amazingly strange.