for the past few days

my life has been a rollercoaster.

when i came to YFC youth camp, i was down, really down. i needed help. at the camp i found just what i needed, guidance, fellowship.
i went there to take my mind off of things.
the first day and night, and afternoon i thought of NOTHING but you. i cried myself to sleep, and i even secluded myself from the others at one point. then i realized that being alone there defeats the purpose of me attending the camp.
after conffession and church, i felt better. i felt like a better person. i felt relieved, closer to God. i felt like everything would get better. Everything between you and me would get better, I was so positive. Then after dinner, I realized that July 4 (also theresa's birthday) is coming up soon. Then I thought of fireworks. Then I thought of our list of places where we should kiss then I wondered if we would spend July 4th together. I wondered if you would be ready by then. And then, I felt all my positive thoughts leave me and I was back to where I started. Lost and lonely.
And then there was the pray over, where my group leader and another leader (Lil' Fran) prayed over me. While Katrina (group leader or "mother") was praying over me, she said, "God, please heal her when she is hurt and put band aids on her wounds. When she needs help let her know that she can turn to You and not just her friends or family, God always be there for her."
At that moment, I felt myself leave that place, I felt my soul travel somewhere where I was at peace, away from my problems.

When I came back to reality, I felt so much better. Much more positive. I felt myself change.

And now, I'm back to where I was. I don't feel as lonely or lost, but I'm still pretty devastated.

Nghia told me that God knows what he's doing and I have to trust Him. I do trust Him. I still have faith in you, you know. I still believe that we can work this out together, no matter what. I still believe that you and I can get through anything together. I still believe that something good will come out of this in the end. But.. end.
I don't want us to come to that.
But whatever decision you make, I'll be fine with it as long as you're happy.
Your happiness is the only thing that matters.

I love you and I always will. You're still my Kirby Manaloto in shining armour.
To me, you are still a man.